aka Worst Blog Post Ever.

My friend Jayne shoe-shamed me. I was lovely-proper-British-accent-shamed into shoe shopping. My idea of hell is having to crochet and go shoe shopping. HELL.

But she had a point…I wear my cheaply-made Payless (I still love you, Payless, for your inexpensive vegan shoe selection, but let’s be real) black flats A. LOT. I’ve only had them for like 2 months and they’re looking dingy and misshapen. I’ve not been summer shoe shopping yet and have been relying on sneakers and the black flats…and in the past week I’ve had criticisms of BOTH of those. Not that I’m Miss Do Whatever Anybody Tells Me To Do, but I *can* accede their point…so I’ve been walking on hot coalsΒ  browsing the shoe sales and shops for the past few days.

I’m all for body positivity and all that. But I can accept that I Have Ugly Feet. Especially this time of year. As soon as it gets the slightest bit warm or humid, my feet swell. A puffy, lumpy edema swell. They’ve been like this since I was pregnant with my daughter. She’s 25. I know the drill. They actually weren’t *that* bad today because it’s been dry and relatively cool the past few days. But still. Lumpy bumpy fat-creased ankles and doughy feet.

And I LOVE shoes. I love pretty shoes and funky shoes and architectural shoes and classic shoes. But I put them on my feet and I make them ugly. It’s a very sad thing.

So, in the interest of JOURNALISM, I decided to share my shoe shopping nightmare with you. Please stop scrolling here if you don’t like feet. Things are going to get ugly.

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HELL.

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It’s a challenge to photograph your feet in those little mirrors under the try-on stools.

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Sigh. So pretty. But leather. I don’t do leather. Another challenge.

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I was really looking for a replacement for my black flats and a neutral toned shoe that would go with things other than black.

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Can’t I just get these and cover up all the ugly??

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This was the black flat section. They were basically my current shoes just a little nicer and $50 more expensive. I do love a nice d’orsay flat in the summer.

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I lugged an ever-growing selection of shoes around the store…bear in mind I have only shown you the shoes I could actually get on my feet. Here is the final selection, of which I bought two pairs.

So. What do you think?? What shoes did I come home with?