For most of my adult life I have been overweight. For almost 30 years I have been at (and sometimes above) the high-end of typical plus-size sizing. And that is a hard place to be.

In addition to the struggle of simply trying to find clothes that fit, was the challenge to trying to look and feel like myself given the disappointing clothing options. So “myself” just sort of disappeared.

I was not the pink-and-white gingham “big shirt” over pink stretchy stirrup pants that I was forced to wear in the 90s because that’s all there was. That type of clothing was all that would physically fit around my body.

But who I was in that clothing? Not me. So, I just tried to be invisible. Or, rather, I wanted to be invisible.

And that was life for many years.

But no one should have to go through life feeling invisible…or wanting to be invisible. No one should have to hide.

Six years ago I heard about a plus-size clothing rental company, Gwynnie Bee, and it seemed like a fun way to change up my (boring!) wardrobe without having to buy all new clothes.

I was so enjoying trying new looks that I came up with a photo challenge for myself (cuz I’m cruel that way) of coming up with a different outfit every day for 30 days.

And photographing them.

And posting them on Instagram.

For all the world to see.

Or at least the 73 followers I had on my photography account.

And here’s the thing about SEEING YOURSELF IN PICTURES day after day: in the beginning you might think ew ugh yuck gross I’m so ______ (fill in the blank with your own insecurity) when you see your picture out in the world.

You’re horrified and embarrassed and wondering why you’re doing this ridiculous thing.But you keep doing it. And after about a week there’s a little less “ew yuck” and a little more, “hmm, I kinda like how I put that stripey sweater with that floral dress.”

And a week or so later, you look at your picture and think “wow that was a good hair day.” By the end of the 30 days you’re able to see the beauty in yourself, NOT just what you feel are your flaws. You no longer see FAT YOU, you can now see and appreciate CUTE YOU or…stylish or happy or whatever you.

You’ve normalized SEEING YOURSELF (link to post on normalizing seeing yourself; written). Which I think is such a valuable piece of Self-Acceptance

This challenge was life-changing for me. And that, in a big picture sort of way, is why I started Fashion Schlub.

I don’t want anyone else to have to feel the way I did for so many years:

INVISIBLE.
Ugly.

We all have beauty and gifts to share with the world. What a shame to not be sharing them because our arms are fat or we have a double chin or dimpled thighs.

Come on. We’re better than that.We are over-flowingly valuable. Just as we are.

So.

I may not have the answers.

I may not know the steps from Point A to Point B of going from “I feel ugly and don’t want anyone to see me” to HERE I AM, WORLD, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, CUZ THIS IS WHO I AM.

But somehow, I made it.

And maybe you’ll see me…and maybe you’ll see a bit of yourself in me…and realize that…if *I* can get to HERE I AM, then you can, too.

• My name is Bettye Rainwater. No, I’m not part Indian. But I thought I was for the first 35 years of my life.
• I’m 60 years old and couldn’t be more excited about that!
• I’m an “always try the new thing” person, given the option between that and something you’ve done before.
• I love photography, take most of my own blog photos, and share a lot of my other pictures on the blog and Instagram.
• I live on Long Island, which is in New York but is not the city.
• I have an amazing adult daughter who lives much too far away and who I miss so very much.
• By day I work for a nonprofit school/agency that provides support to children and adults with autism, but I am not a teacher or a clinical person. I’m part of the development (fund-raising) team and also do marketing, social media, communications, photography, cut things out of construction paper, etc.
• If I could pick one super power it would DEFINITELY be invisibility. What about you?
• I’m fat. Now THAT’S a descriptor. That is not a judgement or criticism.
• I am newly-obsessed with Korean dramas and K-pop. There. I said it. I may have to start a whole new blog for THAT so I don’t keep annoying all the Fashion Schlub readers by talking about them incessantly.
• I am intrigued by style.
• I am an introvert with a good dose of social anxiety. The internet and social media have been life-changing for me. Through them I finally I have a social outlet free from the anxiety of “in-person” encounters.