So, as you know, I recently moved to Seoul, South Korea to attend a language program at a local university. Did I know anyone here? No. No, I did not. I thought it would be fine as I have never been a person who felt I “needed” people. I have always had a few good friends…just a small number…and that suits me just fine. I thought it would be fine to be here by myself, knowing no one.

In fact, the thought of knowing NO ONE excited me a little bit. It meant I would have zero social obligations and wouldn’t be responsible to anyone. Oh man I sound like The Worst Friend Ever. But if you’re my friend in real life, you probably know this about me already – if not, I’M SORRY 🙁

Okay, now that it’s clear that I am a horrible person and worse friend, let’s talk about how I made friends here in Korea…without even meaning to!

Here’s the thing about meeting people…if you’re “in the world,” there are people! You go to work and meet people sharing the same experiences as you. You have neighbors, bowling teams (ha ha what a random example), people in your dog training class…and in my case, school.

In normal school (or work), you get to see the same people day after day, and get a feel for them before deciding if you want to engage. I think there’s a lot of “trauma bonding” at both work and school (that &^&%!!! teacher/boss, yeah, right??). And in a situation like mine, there’s that, but there’s also – we’ve all been dropped into this totally foreign (not funny pun intended) world, and we’re all sort of grabbing onto anything familiar or friendly.

One lovely young woman (who I’m actually sitting next to at the PC Bang right now!), approached me on one of the first class days. I was sitting outside the language building trying to recover from the trek up the *#^*%^&$!!! hill and she just walked up to me and asked if I was American. We exchanged names and then headed off to our respective classes. She’s in the same program, but not the same class as I am. It took a few more chance meetings in the ladies room and standing in the hallway during break before we actually made plans…but we really clicked on our first “date.” and we’ve hung out a lot since then. I’m grateful to her for approaching me that day.

Another friend is a classmate. She’s Taiwanese and speaks pretty good English…and also is the best student in the Korean class, so we chatted AND she was very helpful in the early days when I really had no idea what was going on. She’s a very sweet person. And her sister is also in the program in another class, so it was like a two-fer. They’re both really sweet.

Another young woman from Brazil also speaks English well, so we all sort of bonded over just the fact that we could communicate!

One more new friend is in the same program, but not the same class, but we met while applying for our ARCs and being admonished that our pictures were not the correct size (ha ha) and then it turned out that she lives in my building, so we had that in common, and we sometimes run errands together or go out for lunch.

One of the good things about all of us being in a new place, is we all want to see and do All The Things! So it’s like everyone is up for anything…and other than school no one has other responsibilities or obligations…so everyone’s ready to accept almost any invitation – which makes for a good segue into new friendship.

Then there’s the woman I met through a Facebook Korean ex-pat group when I appealed to them for HELP because I just could not get myself sorted out in the beginning. She lives quite a distance away but took the train here to meet me and look at an apartment where the realtor only spoke Korean…and then went around with me to several other realtors in the area. We had lunch, and have texted a few times, and made plans a few times, but it hasn’t happened again. Still, I feel like she’s a friend. And I am so grateful to her for really going out of her way to support a Korean “newbie.”

I’ve been looking at Meetup.com since I’ve been here. That was a great resource for me back in the states when I was looking to do things with like-minded people…and how I met a few of my closest friends over a shared love of photography.  So far I haven’t found quite the right activity, but I bet in the spring there will be more outdoor activities I can join.

So this is how *I* have met people and made new friends in this situation. I’ve been really fortunate in that most people sort of engaged with me first – left to my own devices I would probably have NO friends.

But I’m glad I do in this unusual situation…because as our friend Marian said, “…friendship is everything when you are far from home.”

To Recap

The way to make friends/meet people, is to be where the people are! And not just one time, but regularly: school, work, club, volunteering, sports team, a gym, a class,/lessons, studying in the same coffee shop, even just sitting on the same park bench a couple times a week.

Look at people – don’t just stare down at your phone/book/newspaper. If you’re able to, just say something to someone you see on a regular basis. ANYTHING. HI. Beautiful/shitty day, right? If people are interested, they’ll respond to anything you say. If you’re someone who just can’t do that Make the First Move thing, then at least be ready to respond to someone if they reach out to you. YEAH, WOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HEAT/COLD/FOG whatever. Again, if they’re interested, they’ll take anything you say and run with it.

But you do have to Go Out There. Which is maybe the hardest part. It’s like that meme about introverts laying on the sofa home alone every day and night wondering why they haven’t found Prince/Princess Charming yet!  The Charmings are all OUT THERE.

I never thought *I* would write a post on How to Make Friends, but somehow…I seem to have become a person who makes friends…at least in this one magical point in time. We shall see if it continues 😉