Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I’m not talking about coronavirus. I’m talking about RUNNING OUT OF SNACKS.

At this time of not having full access to our usual un-ending supply of Vietnamese Spicy Dill Pickle Crunchy Vinegar Cotton Candy Sticks (grocery store snack aisles have gotten INSANE, amiright?), whether due to snack hoarders and empty shelves or Fear of Grocery Stores, I’m here to help you out a bit with some snack type treats you can make out of things that might already be in your kitchen…or that are readily found in most markets. Even during #coronavirusdays.

Of course, there are things that *I* think should be in everyone’s kitchens ALWAYS. Chocolate chips. This is not debatable. Saltines. Peanut (or other favorite nut) butter. Baking cocoa. Refrigerated corn tortillas.

As much as I love CHOCOLATE, I do find that most of my snack obsessions run to the salty/savory/crunchy side vs sugary/sweet, but I’ve tried to come up with both for all my snack lovers. Also, I am quite happy eating weird things. Like a bowl of Bisquik dough. Period. Or spoonfuls of sweetened condensed milk right out of the can. So, take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

Mmmmm, salt.

chocolate covered fritos

This is something my mother used to surprise me with sometimes when I’d come home from school. She had that whole “salty chocolate” thing down long before today’s “salted this,” “salted that” recipes. It could not be easier. Fritos (original, not “scoops,” “honey vinegar,” or “chili cheese”) and melted semi-sweet chocolate chips. Melt SSCC slowly over double boiler or in microwave (<- SO much easier, just check it often, like every 10 seconds). Dunk fritos in melted chocolate, layout on parchment or wax paper on a cookie sheet or wire cooling rack, put in fridge long enough to firm up. The most difficult thing is the dunking without also making Chocolate Covered Fingers. I have used scissor-style tweezers successfully. Enjoy!

Homemade tortilla chips

You’ll never run out of chips if you always keep a package of corn tortillas in the fridge. You can do them in a fryer if you have one but I just do them in a cast-iron skillet. Oil of choice (I’m sure there’s some particular oil that’s “best” for frying tortillas but I just use whatever’s in the pantry). I make a stack of about six tortillas on the cutting board and with the big knife cut them into eight “pie pieces” (aka tortilla chip shaped). Dump as many individual “raw chips” as will fit in your pan/fryer. Fry til just crispy. Ladle out with slotted spoon or “wire” ladle so as much oil drips off as possible. I lay them out on a brown paper grocery bag covered with paper towels (cuz this is how my mother did fried chicken). While they’re still hot and slightly moist from the oil, sprinkle with seasoning of choice: salt, chili powder, ranch dressing powder (more on this later), cinnamon and/or sugar. Start fresh batch. Fry all. Enjoy all.

Fake Egg Cream A La Laverne (or was it Shirley)

It’s interesting now that I’m writing all these out, how many of these ideas came from my mother. But she used to drink coke with just a little milk in it, so it was sort of like an egg cream, but not fizzy. And definitely no egg. It’s not that far off, really, from a root beer float: root beer and vanilla ice cream. I mean, vanilla ice cream is really just like frozen milk (more or less). Speaking of ice cream being like milk, you know what’s lovely? Putting a spoonful or two of vanilla ice cream in your coffee instead of milk. THAT’S a nice thing.

Raw Schmaw

I am not a doctor. And I probably do a lot of things that you shouldn’t do, and get away with it cuz I have a concrete stomach and a high tolerance for everything, but *I* have no problem with eating things raw (by things, I mean yummy sweet baked good type things, not hamburger), like brownie dough, cake batter, cookie dough, pizza dough, biscuit dough (you get the idea). Obviously, if you have a box of brownie mix, by all means, make the brownies if you must. But it’s so much faster to just make the batter and enjoy that! AND, you can just put water in the dry mix if you’re not going to bake them – cuz you don’t need the eggs for…well, whatever eggs do in baked goods.

RANCH POPCORN

Many years ago the movie theaters went through a period where they had little shakers of flavorings to shake on your popcorn. It was delightful. I don’t know if they still do that, but…I refuse to let the trend die. And a yummy savory snack is popcorn (with melted butter, duh) with Ranch powder. You know how you can buy the little packets to make ranch dressing at home? Well, you can also buy a big ‘ol shaker jar. It’s much more economical that way and lasts a really long time. I use this on other things, too…roast chicken, mixed in mayonnaise to go on turkey or roast beef sandwiches, you could sprinkle it on a baked potato or scrambled eggs…I suppose you could even make salad dressing with it!

soy sauce popcorn

I cannot personally attest to this one. But in a book I read a little while back, one of the characters mentioned soy sauce-flavored popcorn as being The Best Snack Food Ever and at first I was like, ew, liquids in popcorn? But…melted butter?? Liquid. And I LIVE for soy sauce. When I couldn’t find soy sauce at the market for a couple weeks that was a real problem for me cuz I marinate everything in soy sauce. So I have not tried it yet, but it does sound kind of amazing.

chocolate frosting

Another why go to all the trouble of making the whole thing when it’s just as lovely eaten out of a bowl snack when you just gotta have something sweet snack. I feel like when I was a kid I had a little book of Peanuts (the comic strip not the, well, peanut) recipes for kids from Scholastic Book Club. I’m telling ya, Lucy invented the hand pie. Anyway, they had a super simple frosting recipe. I no longer have the book and I certainly didn’t write it down so it’s just from memory and there are no actual measurements you just fiddle as you go. But it’s basically confectioner’s sugar, a little milk (or water if there’s no milk), and baking cocoa. Mix. If you want to be fancy add a couple drops of vanilla flavoring. I might have added the baking cocoa myself (I’m a baking GENIUS). But you can add ingredients just by the spoonful so you make just enough for a tiny snack, you don’t have to make enough to cover a cake.

peanut butter cups

Okay, this one does require a slightly specialized item – little paper candy cups (they look like tiny muffin/cupcake cups – is that what they’re called? Cups? That sounds odd.). So, the next time you’re at the market grab a pack to save for a rainy day. Or global pandemic.

These faux “reeses peanut butter cups” could not be easier. Drop some semisweet chocolate chips (enough to cover the bottom and then some) into the bottom of one of the little candy cups. Plop in a dollop of your favorite peanut butter (I prefer chunky), and drop a couple more chocolate chips on top of the peanut butter. Make one, two, or a whole plateful at a time. Put in microwave. You know your microwave better than I (oh, and definitely use PAPER candy cups for this, not those foil ones!) so you be the judge of how long to put them in for. Better to do short bursts of time (like 10-20 seconds at a time) than a minute or longer. The chocolate will melt and sort of morph around the peanut butter, encasing it within – just like a Reeses cup! It’s like magic. Chocolately peanut butter magic. Oh yeah, let them cool/harden after taking them out of the microwave. You can stick them in the fridge for a few to speed things along.

If you were really hungry you’d eat some…

When I was young and would whine to my mother I’m hungryyyyy there’s nothing to eaaaaaaatttt, she would respond “If you were really hungry you’d eat crackers with butter.” I refused and either returned to my starvation diet or found something, anything, better than crackers and butter. But you know what? Now I love saltines and butter! But I’ve upped it a bit – saltines with butter (well, Earth Balance, for the perfect spreading experience) and honey! You get a slightly salty crunch with the cracker, the smooth creaminess of the butter, and the sticky sweetness of the honey. It’s lovely.

Okay! Those are some of the easy things I make when there’s “nothing to eat” and I still want a snack or something sweet. I will NOT be sharing the infamous “cheesy fudge” recipe of the early 2000s. Iris might remember what I’m talking about. Google “Paula Deen Velveeta Fudge” if you must, but you didn’t hear that from me.

What do you eat when there’s “nothing to eat”??

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