If You Can’t Say Something Nice (A Bit of a Rant)…
I just have to have a little rant today…and this is not directed at any of you, my regular readers and friends…but there are have been more comments lately that I have not approved…and frankly, I’m weary of it.
I get that I share my pictures and stories of my life on a very public forum. But still, this is my home. I would not walk into someone else’s home and proceed to tell them how they should live their lives…how what they’re doing is wrong and how, instead, they should do what I say!
The comments are about my weight and my health. They make judgments based on my appearance and tell me I should be ashamed, I should not be giving advice (I don’t even know what advice they’re referring to), that I am going to suffer in my old age, and get this…I might even DIE. As if they’re NOT.
First, I barely take advice from people whose opinions I actually value…I certainly have Zero Interest in “advice” from a stranger. Second, if they knew anything at all about me, they would know the best way to get me to NOT go to a doctor/lose weight/change my evil ways. etc., is to insist that I DO it. Third, You Take Care of Your Own Life and I’ll Take Care of Mine.
I am not here offering medical office or weight loss tips. I am just here doing my thing. Saying EVEN FAT PEOPLE CAN ENJOY LIFE AND FASHION AND STYLE AND FUN. Yep, even us. Letting everyone know that whatever their body shape is, they can love themselves, they can dress however they choose and go and do whatever they want to. And I’m just here showing that that is possible.
YOU get to decide when and if you feel uncomfortable in your body, Not Anybody Else. And YOU get to choose if and when you decide to make a change. Last spring I was uncomfortable. I was frustrated at having a harder time finding clothes that I liked to fit. I wanted to be able to enjoy Sunday Funday without hip and heel pain. So I made some changes to my diet for awhile and made myself more comfortable. MY CHOICE. Not a stranger’s. Not a doctor’s. Not a health condition. I did what felt right to me, for me.
But the bigger point here is WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE ELSE. And even as I was typing those words I could hear their voices in my head, “I’m not JUDGING, I’m just CONCERNED about you.” Save it. A) You are judging. I’m not the way you think I should be and you’re not only letting me know it, you’re telling me how to be the way you want me to be. B) I just don’t buy this “concern.” Why is your “concern” only for the shape of my body? Here’s a thought, try being concerned about my feelings!
Now, don’t get me wrong, this kind of stuff doesn’t really affect me…not in the way they probably want it to. They’re not fat-shaming me, they’re not…knocking my confidence or self-love. I just find it so RUDE. I’m sitting here with my friends, talking about pants lengths, and they just come barging in, judging and insulting…and think that’s okay.
Well, not in My House.
Again, this is not directed at the vast majority of people who come here to read this blog. I get a very low percentage of these kinds of posts…but there have been more in the past few months than in the past few years (quarantine boredom?) and it’s been aggravating me.
That said, I get LOVELY emails from readers who never comment here on the blog, and I SO appreciate their kind words and thoughts and am glad they have enough confidence in me to ask their questions. I love getting those emails. 99% of the people I have engaged with through my blog/instagram, etc., have been delightful. It’s always that darn 1%, amiright?
So to YOU PEOPLE – and you know who you are – just keep moving. If I’m not for you, that’s fine, but just move along. No need to comment, critique, insult, or “express concern.”
eva @ StyleMyThrift
you go girl!
you do you! that’s why I love your posts!
i was reading on a FB group post this woman telling another woman “oh that’s not nice on you” referring to a dress the woman made and was proud of…i get that I might not wear it myself, but i so understand the effort put behind it and can think it’s beautiful whether or not it looks nice on the person…..
so i’ve seen this behavior everywhere in different social outlets for sure…
and maybe, those people lack in social ettiquettes, but i also believe there are just some mean, unhappy people out there who have nothing else better to do…
xo eva
Betty (no e)
Oh. My. Goodness!!! I should have known there were immature people telling you what to do. They are all over the place. They even have reddits tearing into every YouTube video some women put up. One of the reasons I’m not sure I could deal with the nonsense if I ever did start a channel. Wouldn’t be surprised if they had reddits dedicated to bloggers, too.
So glad you don’t put up with them. As so many social commenters like to say…. “It’s my body, my choice.” Whether it’s pregnancy or gender or sexual preference, they believe it is a person’s individual choice of what happens in their life. Same goes for weight, body shape, hair color, etc. My mom has been overweight most if her life. She’s 95 and still spreading sunshine.
You are a cancer survivor!!!!! You’ve looked the scariest monster in the face, laughed at it and beat it. These misguided people are just little gnats fluttering around. Am I judging. Maybe. Probably. But they have forgotten that there is a real person who is brave enough to put herself out there.
Oh well. Guess I ranted a little bit. I think you are an amazing woman whom I have known for going on 20 years. Hold your head up high and flick those gnats out of your way.
Carol
When I was a child, it seems like most of us were taught by our mothers to always follow the old adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.
Bettye, just keep being Bettye! Real,
honest and a great writer and photographer!
Linda Root
Gosh, I thought for a moment I was reading my diary 😉 I totally understand! Thankfully, MOST people appreciate your blog and understand it.
Donna W
Such nasty commentary on you and/or your posts is completely unacceptable. Full stop!
I completely agree with Carol.
And yes, you are a gem and a delight, and your spread joy and light from every pore … as my Reiki master has said “there’s always some moths attracted to the light!” And that’s what these sad souls are – moths!!
Go you, Bettye and enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Love Donna W
https://donnadoesdresses.com
Kaye
Way to go!
Many people spend too much time finding flaws in everyone else instead of looking at themselves.
Admire your spirit.
julia
Yes! I think these people are just bitter awful people and think us bloggers need to hear their opinion. If they have an opinion then they should just start their own blog! But, I’m pretty sure their judgey, nastiness would not get them many readers. Really, people. Mind your own damn business! And Bettye, you do you, however you feel like doing it!
Penny
Oh no that’s awful Bettye! You are what you are and that’s that!!! Good to hear you don’t put up with it. And yes it is RUDE!!!
I believe passionately that women, particularly older women (that’s my thing) should wear what they want, how they want and wherever and whenever they want. I so detest journalists and/or younger women saying what’s suitable for us older women, so I totally get it.
I love your blogs and you write very well, your posts are always interesting. So keep on keeping on! Have a good week 🙂
jodie filogomo
Like I quoted in my mask post: Quote from Kuel Life: “Judgement is a form of mental violence.”
Judgement comes in everything right? From our bodies to our choices, and yet none of us know ourselves better than us!!
Or as Rob and I always say…people are people. LOL!!
XOOX
Jodie
bettyewp
People are people, for sure, ha.
Karen
Such a sad commentary on contemporary human nature and the inclination we have to bully, critique and judge each other, especially online. I was reading Eckhart Tolle who says that angry people are often just looking around for a cause to comment on. They troll the internet (and the real-time pathways of their lives) looking for places to channel their anger and frustration into. We are SO MUCH HAPPIER than those people, so I say keep on showing up in this safe place and sharing your life with those of us who are encouraged, inspired and warmed by your stories and photos. I’m one of those. Thank you for being you. xo karen
bettyewp
“Eckhart Tolle who says that angry people are often just looking around for a cause to comment on.”
ET, a pretty wise man.
xoxo
Deborah Stinedurf
I am not going to say that “oh, you shouldn’t listen to them…”, “they’re just jealous”…etc. And what I am about to say is not to soothe you or make you feel better about any of it, because you my friend have got all of that in hand & you don’t need me to pat you on the back. However you are one of the kindest, most intelligent, truly beautiful humans that I have the honor to call my friend. I think that you know me well enough to know that I don’t say things like that often because as a rule I’ve found that many people are not those things.
I was just telling my sister the other day that after the events that have occurred thus far this year I both love and despise people more than I ever have. Those opposing feelings come from my belief that everything that has been (and still is) happening has amplified to the billionth degree whatever type of person you were previously. In other words, if you were a kind caring human being prior to 2020 you are way more so now. And if you were an a$$hole, well, now you are a raging a$$hole. Hence the increase in rude, ignorant & unsolicited opinions.
You just keep on doing you my friend. You are most definitely one of the good ones and 2020 has made you an even more incredible human. xo
Love you my friend,
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
bettyewp
“everything that has been (and still is) happening has amplified to the billionth degree whatever type of person you were previously. In other words, if you were a kind caring human being prior to 2020 you are way more so now. And if you were an a$$hole, well, now you are a raging a$$hole. Hence the increase in rude, ignorant & unsolicited opinions.”
BINGO.
And 2020 hasn’t beaten us yet!
Rhonda
Those same people are the ones that cut you off on the roadways, yell at store clerks and service people, and generally feel entitled to do what they please any time they chose. They are not cognizant of anyone other than themselves and they are EVERYWHERE! I’m not sure where their parents were in their yearly years, or perhaps it goes back several generations, but this behavior certainly seems more prevalent than I can ever remember (I’m 63 years old) …perhaps the cloak of the internet has given these rude people the idea, or permission that rules aren’t meant for them, but I truly believe that mindset is the source of much of the unrest in our society today.
bettyewp
I definitely think the anonymity of the internet is a gateway to a LOT of behavior you’d never see from someone standing right in front of you.
Pheh.
Iris
Oh my, I’m so sorry you’ve had this type of comments, and I totally agree – I can hear my grandmother saying over and over again, “Remember, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. And – this IS your house.
Thank you for letting me see your outfits and peek into your life. I get a lot of ideas from you and appreciate your willingness to share them. Pay no attention to the idiots.
Grace & Peace,Iris
http://www.IrisOriginalsRamblings.com
bettyewp
I don’t really pay attention to MUCH, ha ha.
How are you doing? Are you still working from home or you going back to the shop?
Cheryl
I agree with everyone, your blog is really wonderful and I look forward to reading all your posts. Thank you for your awesome writing.
bettyewp
Thank you, Cheryl. I feel so fortunate to have a place to share my writing and photographs with people who appreciate them xoxo
Em
Let me offer my Covid-enhanced
potty mouth to offer two words for those people (and I’m guessing anyone over the age of 9 knows what they are).
I have a tiny mom, barely clears 5’. And she’s spent a lifetime not wearing styles and colors she likes on other people, because she thinks she’s too heavy to wear bright colors, or prints, or stripes. Her weight isn’t the enemy, her confidence is…and I’ve been showing her your posts that demonstrate with a sunny smile that style is for everyone. Camo, print mixing, stripes, RED!!!!… styles like you wear so well
Just click “delete” and send those Jack holes back where they came from.
Strangers worrying about your health FOR you…how freaking magnanimous.
Xoxo
bettyewp
I love that story! And I hope Mom dresses for MOM someday!
xoxo
Daenel T.
Sometimes I truly detest people who live in the computer. They can be rude and obnoxious .
I heart you, Bettye.
bettyewp
Aww, thanks, Daenel. I heart you, too!
People smh.
Melissa
Amen! I’m sorry you’re being subjected to holier than thou trolls. Those are the worst type imho.
Big hug to you. Stay you!!
bettyewp
Thanks, Melissa <3
bettyewp
Thanks, Melissa 🙂