Monday, May 27

I am recovering today. Nothing on my to-do list except tutoring at 9:30. Yes, even on break, I have to study. I can’t afford to take a break. And poor Jun, really had to face a Bettye Meltdown. We were going over something that I’ve struggled with each class (honorifics). I’m pretty good until we reach this point in the textbook, about two months in…and then it starts going downhill because the sentences are now more complex. Are there

Here’s how the class goes. The first two months you spend learning the “low polite” form, which is just a step above the most casual form that you use with long-time friends and family. So you learn all the verbs in this form, all the different conjugations and tenses and other iterations and verb and sentence endings. THEN, shortly after the midterm they go, okay, now, you need to learn and use the other polite and formal levels and use THEM instead of what you’ve been using for the past two months. And everything you just spent two months learning…is now DIFFERENT. The verb endings are longer and more complicated and you have to assess each situation to know which form or combination of forms to use.

My. Brain. Can. Not.

So I’d asked him if we could go over them yet again, slowly, as though I’d never seen them before. And we did that – last week, right before Katie came. But then I was so busy all week I never had time to review what we went over in our session, and now, a week later he was (in the nicest possible way) expecting me to remember what I learned last week and use it.

Well, THAT’S not how it works in there (pointing to head). Are there people who actually learn like that? They hear/read/see something one time and then they just know it forevermore?? I can’t even imagine. I require SO much repetition. By myself. Like…I don’t learn in class. In class I’m introduced to things. Then I have to go home, ALONE, and go over and over and over them. After many days of this, hopefully it will be retained. But sometimes in class or tutoring, something will be introduced/explained…and a few minutes later I’ll be questioned on it and have no response and they’re like, we JUST went over this. I’m like, that’s irrelevant. I RECOGNIZE it, I KNOW you just explained it, but…I really cannot recall anything about it. And THAT is frustrating. And then the tears start. And then he asks why I’m getting upset…and I TRY to explain it…but I don’t think he really understands. I don’t know if you CAN understand the feeling if you’ve never experienced it.

Anyway. That’s how my session went.

Then I spent the next couple of hours going over what we’d gone over in our session…and I think I have a bit of a handle on it…I’m still slow, and have to think it through every time…AND we’ve only gone over present tense, positive statements. There are at least a dozen iterations of them…all with different endings…so I’m going to ask for Part 2 on Wednesday, let’s go over all the OTHER situations.

And I worry he’s going to quit on me and THEN where will I be?? Don’t quit on me, Jun. Don’t you do it! I got nowhere else to go! I got nowhere else to go. (#namethatmoviereference)

Did I eat today? I don’t remember. I did not leave the building.

Tuesday, May 28

I’d tried to pick someplace to go today, but had decision paralysis and ended up going nowhere. After a week of having someone to do things with, going anywhere by myself just doesn’t sound that appealing. There are roses blooming everywhere right now and lots of festivals and parks look really beautiful, but most of them seemed to be an hour+ away and I just wasn’t feeling that bus ride alone.

What I DID do was order myself a McDonald’s breakfast: two pancakes, sausage patty, hash brown, english muffin with strawberry jelly, and eggs. And a cappuccino. It was overall wonderful, except for the eggs which were those formed eggs like go on the McSandwiches instead of scrambled like in the US. Yuck. But otherwise it was such a treat. That might be my new “if I have nowhere to go on the weekend” breakfast.

I am TRYING  a lot of new/Korean foods here but I miss familiar American food.

I just sort of piddled today. Listened to the recording of yesterday’s tutoring session (which, disturbingly, had my meltdown on it), napped, went for coffee. I don’t actually know how a whole day passed and I can’t really say what I did during it, but there ya go.

Wednesday, May 29

I adulted today. I had to go to a urology clinic to get a referral from a doctor I’ve never seen before, to go back to the urologist at the hospital, that I have seen several times (re kidney stone). My appt with the actual doctor is this Monday and I’ve already rescheduled several times cuz I hadn’t gotten the referral but I decided this was the time I was actually going to do it.

It’s not far from me, but it’s the Kondae area, which is all those narrow, twisty streets and alleys and tons of restaurants, etc. I always get lost in there alone. So I ubered over even though I COULD have walked. The (crotchety) taxi driver dropped me off in the middle of said “etc,” sweeping his arm  in a forward direction and said “yogi” (here). This is a thing here. I said yogi? Ohdi yogi? Here? Where here? Another wide sweep of the arm, which to me meant “it could be anywhere in front of or to the left or right of this car.”

I got out and proceeded to walk up and down the same “block” repeatedly, looking for the street #, a sign, a door that clearly didn’t lead to a coffee shop or restaurant. Naver (Korean Google) said I was standing right smack in front of the place. GUH!!!

I was on the verge of “I’m going home, I can’t do this, I can’t do ANYTHING,” when I finally realized it was in a professional building right across the street – there was no sign for the clinic outside and I didn’t see the street number til I walked over there (the street was actually wider right there and there was a parking lot). Phew. Okay.

I CAN do SOMETHING.

I went in, paid my $3.81, the dr talked to me for less than 3 minutes, asking what I needed a referral for and why I thought I had a kidney stone, then the reception guy gave me my letter and off I went.

I think the referral (back to a dr I’ve been to multiple times) is because since I was there last time, I got on the National Insurance. So, before, my visits were all on my dime. Sure! Come on in! Spend your money right here! But now that KOREA is partially paying, they want to make sure I’m not just going to doctors willy-nilly, so they put this extra step in to discourage the serial doctor-goers. That’s just my outsider guess.

I rewarded myself for completing that monumental with a stop at Dunkin Donuts for a cappuccino mochi donut, which is THE BEST donut. I will be sad to leave Korean Dunkin Donuts someday.

Then I walked home. I’m trying to break my strong uber habit now that I’m so much better. I still won’t go further then like 100m without one crutch, just in case. The knee does still buckle sometimes, and the crutch has saved me. I really need to look into that cane!

Thursday, May 30

My favorite day of the week 🙂 Met Hyunggun for dinner, in my ongoing series (that I keep meaning to make an ACTUAL series but then i get there and I forget to take pictures) of trying All The Korean Foods (even the ones i don’t think I’ll like).

Tonight was kimchi jiggae, or kimchi stew. A little bit spicy red broth with kimchi, pork (although there are many different kinds with different meats), and some other vegetables, I forget what exactly. It was fine. I’m not a huge kimchi fan, so I didn’t expect to love this, but I still wanted to try it just in case. I was perfectly happy dipping spoonfuls of rice into the spicy red broth. Hyunggun said this was “average,” so if I’m ever in a situation where I think it would be better. I would try it again. I didn’t dislike it, but I probably wouldn’t order it just for myself.

When we go to dinner, we order one thing and it comes in a big bowl (pot on a gas powered table-top burner) and then we just serve ourselves from the bowl. The eating here is very communal. People don’t usually each order an individual thing just for them. So when you go out, you go out knowing everyone’s gonna have kimchi jiggae or everyone’s going to have some samgyeopsal (pork belly), or whatever. As it turned out, this restaurant only served kimchi jiggae as a main course at lunch, so we ended up getting samgyeopsal first and then the kimchi, so I was actually full from the pork belly before the soup even came.

Then he said “he had a place,” so we walked a bit and came to an area of outdoor pojang matchas – plastic chairs and tables outside for drinking and having side dishes. And it was packed. Other than the packed part I love these places. I love these places so much and he knows that, so it was nice to go there.

Aside from the eating, drinking, talking, he was in a very happy mood as he just this morning sent off his scholarship application for the school in the UK. So it was nice that he could be relaxed and enjoy the evening without any deadlines looming over him.

I know he’s excited to go to school in the UK and live outside Korea… and I hope for him he is able to go…but MAN am I going to be sad when he leaves. I try not to dwell on it and just enjoy the last few months that he’s here. But. Yeah. You might want to avoid me come August.

Friday, June 1

JUNE!!! Eesh.

I was feeling a bit off this morning, so I gave myself the day off and literally stayed in bed all day long. I napped, read, watched my show, played word games on my phone. I only got up at 7:30pm so I could put on clothes to accept a food delivery.

It was glorious.

Saturday, June 2

I sort of piddled the day away, doing a little of this and that…and then in the late afternoon decided to head down to the river (which I ALWAYS want to call the beach). And proceeded to spin my wheels for two hours. I tried subway, bus, taxi…but didn’t get very far…and finally just decided to come back home. Turns out there was a drone show that night, so there were just HORDES of people driving and walking down there, making street transportation all but impossible. I actually got asked to leave the Uber when we were sitting in traffic for a long time. I was like seriously?? You’re kicking out a woman on a crutch, telling her to just walk there?? Ugh. Anyway, that evening was a bust. I just went home, ate leftover fried chicken and watched my show.

Sunday, June 3

A whole week has gone by, have I done ANYTHING even remotely Korean?? Sometimes I feel like I could be writing this blog from the suburbs of middle America. I really need to get out more.

Anyway. I did go to brunch with two young woman from one of my past classes. That was a nice outing.

Then it was back to the hair salon for a trim and a fresh bang perm. They did it a little differently this time so I’m hoping it works the same. The last one lasted six months before it needed re-doing!

Tomorrow will be two weeks back on the Wellbutrin. Can’t really tell if I feel “better” yet. It’s been a low-anxiety couple of weeks so it hasn’t really been “tested.” Last time it really regulated my sleeping, and I’m still waiting/hoping for that.

Sorry for what seems to me to be a pretty lackluster post. It was just a “normal life” week.

I start class again on Wednesday. Ugh.

Until next week…