Monday, June 3

Today was back to the urologist to follow-up on my kidney stone. I’d had the procedure scheduled for the end of February and had to cancel then cuz the insurance hadn’t kicked in yet. And a week later I hurt my knee, so I wasn’t even thinking about kidney stones.

I thought I was going in today to get a scan to see if the stone was even still there – it hasn’t bothered me since early February, so four months. But instead, based on my January scan we scheduled pre-op testing on June 19, and surgery on June 27.

I got out of ONE surgery (knee), just to end up in another. Guh.

There MIGHT be a miracle and when they do the ct-scan on the 19th, it will magically be gone, but…I’m not really counting on that.

He said he’ll have to remove it endoscopically, they can’t do a lithotripsy like I usually have back home. Which means a 3-day stay in the hospital. The interpreter asked if I had a guardian to stay in the hospital with me. That’s how they do it here – you can have one person stay in the hospital with you to help you if you need it. I guess it takes the burden off the nurses. But yeah, I do not have anyone to come STAY with me. I’ll be lucky to get someone to go with me during the admission process just to help me get all sorted out and settled in. So I’ll have to pay extra for a nurse care-giver. I’m a little nervous about being there for three days, given how little useful Korean I can speak.

But at least I have my “hospital kit” all together, as I had just prepared for the knee surgery last month.

Forget “Bettye’s Big Adventure.” I should rename this blog “An Old Person’s Tale of Injury & Woe.” Sigh.

Oh, and remember last week how I had to make a separate trip to another urologist to get a referral to see the hospital urologist? They never even asked for it. Guh.

Tuesday, June 4

Last day of vacation. I always try to do SOMETHING fun on the last day. So I took the bus to nearby Seongsu for lunch, to walk in the park and the shopping streets a bit. It was a nice day. A pretty day.

Got my classroom assignment for class that starts tomorrow. At my request, they were able to put me in the language annex building, which is practically right next to the building where I live! There’s a LITTLE hill to walk up, but since I won’t already be tired by the time I get there, it will be okay. And it looks like less than 10 minute walk, even for slow me.

Having first day anxiety. Finding the new building new classroom, will it have a chair/desk situation that I fit into, how will the teacher and classmates be??

Met with LEP #2. We practiced a little Korean from my tutoring homework but mostly English šŸ™

Wednesday, June 5

Early morning tutoring session. Left way too early for class so then just had to stand there next to a desk while I waited for the teacher so I could request a separate chair, ugh.

Surprise, there’s an all new text book. I was JUST getting it altogether with the old one! Guh. This one seems…less structured than the old one and more like…teaching for the exams.

As always, surprised at how much Korean other students already know. I think some of these people are repeat Korean Oners (I recognize them from previous terms), so I get that they already have a lot of language…but the younger students that seem straight out of high school or 1-2 years of university, how do they already know so much? I wonder if Korean is an elective language in their high schools. Anyway. Not as diverse a mix as last term – mostly Mongolian, Nepalese, a couple Chinese, two Japanese, a Vietnamese, a Serbian…and one girl from the US – Wisconsin, but it seems like English is not her first language? Or maybe she’s just super shy…or trying to only speak Korean in the class. Anyway, it seemed like a very quiet group, maybe just first day nerves.

Thursday, June 6

Well. I’m in shock. To keep it as anonymous as possible and still explain how devastated I am…I was EXTREMELY betrayed by a “friend” (now ex-friend), and because of this I may lose another very dear friend.

I’m writing this the day after the bomb dropped on me. Thursday I was just like literally in shock. I knew I was angry and hurt and surprised and shocked….but like I wasn’t really FEELING. After months of crying at EVERYTHING, barely one tear snuck out. At first I thought, ahh, the Wellbutrin has really kicked in. I don’t think I’ve had any personal emotional upheaval since I started taking it in 2019, maybe this is what it does. It makes you not FEEL. I didn’t really like that. I need to cry. I need to feel to process. I literally sat on the edge of the bed, trembling, and stared at the wall for hours. But…

Friday, June 7

After a sleepless night, the feelings started feeling and I was a mess. I don’t think it was the Wellbutrin yesterday, I think it was shock. I got through the morning…and through class…and then just came back here and lay down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling for hours. Until I finally fell asleep. And…

Saturday, June 8

…I allowed myself an Escape from the World day. I didn’t want to have to deal with anyone or anything, so I just stayed in bed…playing conversations over and over in my head. Ah, I DID order a McDonald’s breakfast. The only thing I’d eaten since Thursday morning was half a bagel. I didn’t feel hungry but my stomach was growling like crazy. The breakfast was a good idea. But I just stayed in bed until around 7:30 when I walked to the convenience store to get a cup of ice and a coke. Tried to distract myself with a new k-drama but I kept falling asleep.

Sunday, June 9

Feeling a little more human today but I still opted to just stay in and not face the world. It’s almost 5…I might go for a walk around 7 when it starts to cool down (I did). It’s been in the mid-to-high 80s…and is going up to the 90s this week.

I have reached out to the GOOD friend and they have agreed to meet with me this week to talk. And see. I’m trying to be optimistic…but also worried it won’t be able to be worked out. And I know life isn’t fair, but it is just SO unfair that in this situation that is not of my making, I could well be the loser.

My apologies for the bare bones post. I just don’t have much left in me right now.