The backstory (in case you’re new here)

So, regular readers will know that I went to the doctor recently. I don’t go to the doctor often. I go when I am incapacitated…or when I am in so much pain that I am incapacitated…so it’s really a measure of last resort for me. I’ve had some things bothering me, some for years, and I just kept adding them to a list…for someday when I finally went to the doctor.

What made me finally pick up the phone and make an appointment was the overwhelming fatigue, dizzy spells and huffing and puffing after very little exertion I’d been experiencing for two weeks or so. And that on the tail end of about a month of feeling just plain old overwhelmed and exhausted. By everything. Life. Work, social life, everything. I was pretty much just coming home from work, doing only what absolutely positively had to be done, and then climbing into bed. At like 6 pm.

Now, being a fat person, sure, there’s always a lot of huffing and puffing and sweating and racing heartbeat and exhaustion. But I’ve been fat pretty much all my life, and I know what it normally feels like to lug myself around. And this was not that.

Two years ago when I felt like this and passed it off as “old and fat,” it turned out I was severely anemic and it turned out to be cancer. This now felt like that. So…it occurred to me that maybe I should not dismiss it so easily. So I made an appointment for a physical and I planned to discuss all my other concerns with the doctor at that time.

the appointment

So, the doctor had his tablet with all his things to check off. He had a LOT of things to get through. But so did I.

Going down his list he asked me “have you ever seen a dermatologist,” for no other reason than sun. I have no history of skin problems, I’m experiencing no issues with skin problems, and yet he spent a good five minutes going over the dangers of not seeing a dermatologist, and he gave me a referral card to one. “Have you ever seen a nutritionist? When was the last time you went to the gynecologist? Have you been to an internist? Have you had a shingles vaccine? Flu vaccine? To a sleep specialist? Do you have a smoke detector in your home?” The list went on…and he was never content with my “no,” he would then proceed to explain the dangers of not going to this or that doctor…he spent a LOT of time on this. I can’t even remember all the things he asked about – which, okay, I get, it’s a physical and he wants to cover a lot of ground, but…

I kept trying to get my questions in there…I was not THERE to discuss smoke detectors and shingles. Complaint #1 – I did not feel heard.

Complaint #2 – Every Single Thing I asked about, his response was, “well, your weight.” Dizziness, heart palpitations, fatigue, bone spur, plantar fasciitis, night foot cramps, burning pain under right cage when standing/walking for extended periods of time, slipped discs, anxiety, trouble sleeping unaided – ALL because of my weight. Said he. No examination, no asking additional questions, just…here is a fat person, she has only herself to blame for all these issues…BECAUSE. SHE’S. FAT.

Now don’t get me wrong, he was not saying things in a critical tone…BUT. Thin people don’t get slipped discs? They don’t have trouble sleeping? Foot cramps? Anxiety? All the rest?

It was just so…DISMISSIVE. And it really pissed me off. “You’re fat. Lose weight and all your problems will disappear.” I’m paraphrasing, these were not his exact words, but I feel like that’s what he really MEANT. He gave me some options – see a dietitian, get more exercise, perhaps even surgery (oh hell no). How about foot doctor, chiropractor, internist? He went on and on about my BMI and how being Severely Obese can, are you ready for this, Lead to Death. Uhm. So…if I lose weight, I won’t DIE? Thin people don’t DIE? Earth to Doctor, come in Doctor, we’re ALL going to die. Sheesh. If not from this, then from that. Even the thin people are going to die! Sorry, thin people.

Anyway, I didn’t even get to ask about everything on my list cuz he was up and walking out the door saying, “if you want a physical today, you have to get a move on” and off he went, disappearing down the hall.

I just felt like if a non-fat person had asked about the same things (because they do suffer from the same things!), he’d have explored it and looked into causes more. And maybe come up with an actual cure for the immediate issue at hand. But it’s very easy to write things off as being related to weight. Check!

What if there is some serious underlying cause to any of my complaints and now no one is looking into it because he just blamed it all on my weight??

now what

So now I’m waiting for my return appointment to hear about my test results. They made the appointment four weeks out because he prescribed me something for depression (at one point he asked me if I ever felt depressed – I didn’t say a word, but tears started streaming down my face and he quickly sent the prescription to the pharmacy) and that can take 4-6 weeks before you see any effects. I’m happy to try it, but again, no real exploration or digging into causes, just…here’s a pill. Don’t get me wrong, I love a pill, ha ha. This is the one thing I’m not complaining about!

And the PS is I’ve been feeling better, practically since I made the appointment! I’d started taking a barrage of vitamins and making a point of eating more protein every day (I tend to lapse into carb-land, which is a wonderful place, but I start feeling crappy eventually). And I’m still taking it a little easy. If I have a more stressful work week, I pass on the social outings. I’ve been walking a bit this week (when it’s not raining, which hasn’t been often!).

I’m just trying to honor and listen to my body, even if it means missing out on something.

And oh yeah, once I get the results back from Dr. Hurry Me Along, I will be asking for recommendations for a new doctor. To go to in another five years.

That is my long, boring, aggravating doctor story.

the pictures

Don’t fit the subject AT ALL. Ha. I was just trying to lighten up this TOME with some pictures I don’t know if you’ve seen before.

the end