Hey Doc! You Can’t Just Blame Everything on My Weight!
The backstory (in case you’re new here)
So, regular readers will know that I went to the doctor recently. I don’t go to the doctor often. I go when I am incapacitated…or when I am in so much pain that I am incapacitated…so it’s really a measure of last resort for me. I’ve had some things bothering me, some for years, and I just kept adding them to a list…for someday when I finally went to the doctor.
What made me finally pick up the phone and make an appointment was the overwhelming fatigue, dizzy spells and huffing and puffing after very little exertion I’d been experiencing for two weeks or so. And that on the tail end of about a month of feeling just plain old overwhelmed and exhausted. By everything. Life. Work, social life, everything. I was pretty much just coming home from work, doing only what absolutely positively had to be done, and then climbing into bed. At like 6 pm.
Now, being a fat person, sure, there’s always a lot of huffing and puffing and sweating and racing heartbeat and exhaustion. But I’ve been fat pretty much all my life, and I know what it normally feels like to lug myself around. And this was not that.
Two years ago when I felt like this and passed it off as “old and fat,” it turned out I was severely anemic and it turned out to be cancer. This now felt like that. So…it occurred to me that maybe I should not dismiss it so easily. So I made an appointment for a physical and I planned to discuss all my other concerns with the doctor at that time.
the appointment
So, the doctor had his tablet with all his things to check off. He had a LOT of things to get through. But so did I.
Going down his list he asked me “have you ever seen a dermatologist,” for no other reason than sun. I have no history of skin problems, I’m experiencing no issues with skin problems, and yet he spent a good five minutes going over the dangers of not seeing a dermatologist, and he gave me a referral card to one. “Have you ever seen a nutritionist? When was the last time you went to the gynecologist? Have you been to an internist? Have you had a shingles vaccine? Flu vaccine? To a sleep specialist? Do you have a smoke detector in your home?” The list went on…and he was never content with my “no,” he would then proceed to explain the dangers of not going to this or that doctor…he spent a LOT of time on this. I can’t even remember all the things he asked about – which, okay, I get, it’s a physical and he wants to cover a lot of ground, but…
I kept trying to get my questions in there…I was not THERE to discuss smoke detectors and shingles. Complaint #1 – I did not feel heard.
Complaint #2 – Every Single Thing I asked about, his response was, “well, your weight.” Dizziness, heart palpitations, fatigue, bone spur, plantar fasciitis, night foot cramps, burning pain under right cage when standing/walking for extended periods of time, slipped discs, anxiety, trouble sleeping unaided – ALL because of my weight. Said he. No examination, no asking additional questions, just…here is a fat person, she has only herself to blame for all these issues…BECAUSE. SHE’S. FAT.
Now don’t get me wrong, he was not saying things in a critical tone…BUT. Thin people don’t get slipped discs? They don’t have trouble sleeping? Foot cramps? Anxiety? All the rest?
It was just so…DISMISSIVE. And it really pissed me off. “You’re fat. Lose weight and all your problems will disappear.” I’m paraphrasing, these were not his exact words, but I feel like that’s what he really MEANT. He gave me some options – see a dietitian, get more exercise, perhaps even surgery (oh hell no). How about foot doctor, chiropractor, internist? He went on and on about my BMI and how being Severely Obese can, are you ready for this, Lead to Death. Uhm. So…if I lose weight, I won’t DIE? Thin people don’t DIE? Earth to Doctor, come in Doctor, we’re ALL going to die. Sheesh. If not from this, then from that. Even the thin people are going to die! Sorry, thin people.
Anyway, I didn’t even get to ask about everything on my list cuz he was up and walking out the door saying, “if you want a physical today, you have to get a move on” and off he went, disappearing down the hall.
I just felt like if a non-fat person had asked about the same things (because they do suffer from the same things!), he’d have explored it and looked into causes more. And maybe come up with an actual cure for the immediate issue at hand. But it’s very easy to write things off as being related to weight. Check!
What if there is some serious underlying cause to any of my complaints and now no one is looking into it because he just blamed it all on my weight??
now what
So now I’m waiting for my return appointment to hear about my test results. They made the appointment four weeks out because he prescribed me something for depression (at one point he asked me if I ever felt depressed – I didn’t say a word, but tears started streaming down my face and he quickly sent the prescription to the pharmacy) and that can take 4-6 weeks before you see any effects. I’m happy to try it, but again, no real exploration or digging into causes, just…here’s a pill. Don’t get me wrong, I love a pill, ha ha. This is the one thing I’m not complaining about!
And the PS is I’ve been feeling better, practically since I made the appointment! I’d started taking a barrage of vitamins and making a point of eating more protein every day (I tend to lapse into carb-land, which is a wonderful place, but I start feeling crappy eventually). And I’m still taking it a little easy. If I have a more stressful work week, I pass on the social outings. I’ve been walking a bit this week (when it’s not raining, which hasn’t been often!).
I’m just trying to honor and listen to my body, even if it means missing out on something.
And oh yeah, once I get the results back from Dr. Hurry Me Along, I will be asking for recommendations for a new doctor. To go to in another five years.
That is my long, boring, aggravating doctor story.
the pictures
Don’t fit the subject AT ALL. Ha. I was just trying to lighten up this TOME with some pictures I don’t know if you’ve seen before.
the end
Sarah
Glad you’re going to find a new doctor. He sounds pretty bad to me. Unfortunately your experience is exactly the reason I try to avoid the doctor too. I’m glad you are feeling better and very much hope there’s nothing more to it than what some anti-depressants and vitamins can fix. I’m sorry to hear about the depression, that is no bueno and I’m glad you’re getting something to help. If you ever want to talk about the root cause, I know there are many who would listen – including me. xx
bettyewp
Thank you, Sarah, I appreciate the offer xoxo
Nancy
Haha, I know exactly what you mean! I went to a dermatologist a few years ago because I had red spots on my legs over sudden. He looked at it, after being a half hour late!, didn’t touch my leg and said: You are a lung patient aren’t you? No doctor, I am having these tubes just for fun in my face!( didn’t say that out loud) He said, well that’s the reason . I said, but I want to know what it is and what I can do about it! He said, I can look that up at home in one of my books! Haha, idiot! And then what? Stupid ashole. You see, it’s making me angry all over again! Good of you to ask for a other doctor!
bettyewp
So annoying! Did you ever find out what the red spots were?? Did Dr. Google help you?
Diana H
I am so sorry your doctor treated you this way. I agree that more doctors tend to tell us that it is our weight that causes our problems without finding out what else might be the contributing factors. I have severe back pain, every day, and while if I lost weight I may not be in as much pain and could walk farther (carrying those extra pounds around is part of the problem) but it won’t change the fact that I have 3 degenerated discs in my lower back from a fusion done over 20 years ago. Anyway, I am glad you are beginning to feel better even though your doctor seems to have not been much help to you!
bettyewp
Ooh, Diana, I’m so sorry about your back pain. I have experienced this on and off and it is just about unbearable. Yes, the extra weight doesn’t help and my plan this summer is to get a little bit off just for my own comfort. But some of the issues I already had when I weighed considerably less so I don’t really expect them to just disappear.
Thanks so much for your comment xoxo
jodie filogomo
Having the right doctor can make ALL the difference. You need to ask your friends because it’s one of those make or break things definitely. At least you went. But not being heard is just rude. Rude, rude, rude.
I’m sorry Bettye!!
XOXO
Jodie
bettyewp
I’m asking 🙂 I find so many people these days just go to the walk-in centers vs. an actual personal doctor because of the convenience, etc. I do the same, actually. If I actually feel sick, it can be WEEKS to get an appt with an actual dr, and by then I’ll either be better or dead, so what’s the point in making the appointment? Ha. But I’ll keep asking.
Susan Sommer
So! You already know that was a shitty doctor. I would be glad to reach our to him as a concerned friend just for a little conversation 😎 In the mean time here is another story: My beloved fat friend when to her doctor because she had gained 17 pounds in a month and thand answer was, Calories in, calories out. Yeah, no.
bettyewp
Suzy! I’m always so excited when I see your name pop up here!
17 pounds in a month? Did anyone ever figure out what the ACTUAL issue was and help her?
xoxo
julia
Hey first off I love the rando pictures! Very pretty! Second off, I remember reading an article about fat people getting mis-diagnosed b/c God/Doctor just assumed it was about the weight, so you are not alone and in fact, I recall, it was a common problem. Also, totally hear you about asking if you’ve been depressed. I think it’s just that someone is asking and acknowledging and noticing that you are not 100% that brings us to tears. It’s nice to be seen and you are seen and heard here.
bettyewp
Thanks, Julia. Yes, all you friends here are SO wonderful…I’m always amazed you keep coming back again and again, ha ha. But I appreciate it so much.
Melissa
I’m so sorry your appointment went so terribly. He’s an awful doctor and it’s probably safe to say everyone has experienced a doctor like that at least once. I know I certainly have! Life is too short to waste any more time at that practice.
Thank you for sharing your story! Big hug to you! 🙂
bettyewp
Thanks, Melissa. It *is* unfortunate that I’ve heard this so many times, that *many* people have similar dr experiences. I hear stories of WONDERFUL doctors who really LISTEN to their patients…but I never seem to get those.
Iris
Oh my gosh! What an awful experience. I’m so sorry you went through that.
But, I will say this – YOU HAVE TO BE YOUR OWN PATIENT ADVOCATE. YOU HAVE TO STAND UP AND BE HEARD. INTERRUPT. The doctor works for you, not vice versa. I learned that the hard way when I had bc.
I’m glad you’re going feeling better but I’m also glad you’re going to find another doctor
Grace & Peace,Iris
http://www.IrisOriginalsRamblings.com
bettyewp
Sadly, this has sort of been my lifelong experience with doctors. Not the weight part, but just feeling unheard and dismissed. So I pretty much stopped going.
And I am NOT a good self-advocate. I have never been good at standing up for myself. I’m so bad at conflict. “Just suffering” almost always seems the better option. Ugh.
Iris
Not good. But you know that. Many “doctors” think they know everything – while they’re just people like the rest of us.
Do I need to come up there and go with you? 🙂
Grace & Peace,Iris
http://www.IrisOriginalsRamblings.com
bettyewp
Yes, Mom 🙂 I hear you. I do.
And maybe 🙂
Debbie@debbiestyleslife.com
Oh Bettye….do I ever hear you today! I had my own adventure at the doctor and left feeling totally unheard and with no answers. And you are right, it is sooooo frustrating!! Thank you for sharing your story and for honoring your beautiful self by listening to your body and continuing to seek answers about your health because you are worth listening to! It takes courage to seek health answers and to seek another doctor who will really listen to you and your concerns. Great post and I’m so happy that you are feeling better!!
bettyewp
Thanks so much, Debbie. I’m sorry you also had an unpleasant dr visit!
Deborah Stinedurf
So much of the medical field quite simply sucks. I’m so glad you are looking into another doctor as I was going to suggest that. I’m fortunate in that my doctor is amazing…she encourages questions, being an informed patient and trying alternative solutions. However, I have never ever been more frustrated with the medical industry than I have been with my husband’s issues. When you throw worker’s comp into the mix it turns into a heaping hot mess…just the other day we sat in the parking lot of his primary care doctor’s parking lot (whom he has gone to for probably 25 years) not knowing what to do or where to turn because she refused to see him since the issue he was having was related to his work injury…what the hell?? In any case, I’m glad you made some changes on your own and are feeling at least marginally better. And don’t forget, you can always email me if you need to vent…xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
bettyewp
“she refused to see him since the issue he was having was related to his work injury…what the hell?? ” UGH!!! Stupid insurance bureaucracy!
I hope he is getting SOME help and relief…and you, too!
Susan
I will agree with Iris here, and anyone else who advised INTERRUPT! And to be your own patient advocate. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, you can just keep asking the same question until you get a better answer. ALL doctors like to pontificate, and surgeons are worse. They become doctors because they have a talent to FOCUS. They pride themselves on that ability, and frequently have to have their attention redirected for both their own and your benefit. If that’s all too much effort, shocking them is also an invaluable tool; allowing you to throw in what you want to talk about, while THEY sit there with their mouths open. For example: Multiple choice
Doc: you are tired because you are too fat.
Bettye: thin people don’t get tired?
Bettye: silly me! I thought it’s because I had cancer!
Bettye: well you are thin, Doc, and I am so tired of you ignoring my concerns.
Bettye: well, I am tired of your numerous charges, and I am sure my insurance company is too.
You get the idea. He’s an asshole. Treat him accordingly.
bettyewp
I have a hard time treating ANYONE like an asshole. It’s a real personality flaw of mine. 🙂
Tina von Tinaspinkfriday
Change the doctor Bettye! . Perhaps you need vitamin D? My english is to bad to explain thinking about your doctor. It’s not the right way to make a doctor round tour to all specialist. One good doctor, a dentist and a gynäkologist are mostly enough. All others if something went wrong with you in there special theme.
Xo Tina
Chris
The health care system can be hella frustrating. Like every profession you have good, mediocre, and bad performers. The trial and error method of finding a good doctor is exhausting. Glad you’re beginning to feel better. Don’t let that bad experience deter you from trying to find a doc who will hear you. That’s what every person deserves
bettyewp
I’ll keep trying.
Susan
I realize how frustrating it is when we think Doctors don’t hear us. I never listened for 30 or 40 years when this is all I heard many say exactly what your Doctor said to you. I suffered with many of the painful ailments you mention you are experiencing. I decided to actually take the advice to heart and lose my excess weight I carried for years. My story is like so many others. Fat child to fat teen to fat adult is the sad truth for me. Long story but after losing 150 lbs. in 2 years time, guess what? The Doctors were right and at age 69 after years of pain and depression, I feel 90% better than I ever have in my life. Good luck on your journey.
bettyewp
I’m so glad you are feeling so much better now, Susan!
Lillian
oh my gosh I was just about to write this exact post! I agree with everyone telling you to get a new doctor – i had to go through, like, 6 of them to find one who doesn’t just read from the “doctor-script” that, by then, I had memorized. My current medical doctor is really sweet, but even she doesn’t have the kind of time I need from a health professional. I am severely anemic as well – not diabetic, no problems with cholesterol, none of that other stuff typically associated with obesity, but they always seem to want to focus on how I’m ‘at risk’ for all of them, just because. I know already that losing weight is the miracle cure-all – they keep telling me that – but how am I supposed to make a proper go of it when I can’t breathe because i have no iron? Anyway, I am lucky enough to have found a holistic health care professional who is walking with me, step by step, to fix my current barriers (like the anemia) and start getting the weight down. I’m thinking now that doctors are going to be my last resort now for anything health related. They’re the firemen who only care about quickly (and sometimes, quite insensitively) putting out a fire … which is not what I need right now.
bettyewp
Sorry you’ve been getting the same “doctor script” runaround. Yeah, lots of risk admonishments. I’ve never had those “associated with obesity” issues either: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems.
A holistic doctor was a good idea! Maybe I’ll see if there any in my insurance plan.
Thanks for your comment, Lillian!