So. I had this cute dress from Gwynnie Bee. Black cotton/poly knit with real embroidery all down the front, v-neck, lil cap sleeves. Very Johnny Was-esque. Very summer boho.

I thought, I’ll Do A Shoot On the Little Beach. I’ll pose by the colorful kayaks and sit in my chair and splash in the water at sunset – it will be wonderful.

It was not wonderful.

It was a Big Fat Fail.

First off, the ^&$%! bugs! Those little beach gnats that fly around your face and eyes and get in your mouth and nose and ears and hair and you can’t help but try to swat them away even though you know it’s useless. You’re outnumbered. They’re Going to Get You.

Then, my poor tender feet that have not been barefoot (other than in the shower, literally) for two years cuz chemo neuropathy and painful heels. The north shore (where I am) beaches are rocky. Rocky with shards of glass, I’m sure. My poor feet feel like they’ve been torn to shreds.

But I kept going, glass, gnats and all…into the water IT’LL BE SO CUTE! I’LL SPLASH WATER AT THE CAMERA! The glass rocks were even in the water. And I sunk down with every step…and pulled something in my lower back as I was trying to get out of the water (there was slight descent IN, so an incline OUT). I had to use the tripod as a walking cane just to get up the small incline back up the beach.

And between bright sun, sunglasses and %*(^%$!! gnats, it was hard to really see the display on the back of the camera but I had faith that I was getting SOMETHING.

Finally, I was like ENOUGH and started ouch ouch ouching back towards the car.

Got home, dripping with sweat, the apartment is dripping with sweat…and loaded the pictures onto the computer.

Not. One. Picture. In. Focus. And this is not my usual “Oh I don’t mind if it’s a little soft.” This is I AM OUT OF FOCUS IN EVERY SHOT. I’m fuzzy like a plush Pusheen.

Sigh.

Fail.

So what do we do when we fail?? We dust ourselves off. We take a cold shower to wash the gnats out of our hair. We get a nice glass of icy iced tea even though it’s late and we know we’ll have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. And we make the best of it.

An hour ago I had NO CLUE what I was going to write about tonight. And now I have a story. I had an experience and I have a story.

Lemons and lemonade, my friends. Lemons and lemonade.

What I’m Wearing

  • Caite Embroidered Zoe Dress, size 3x. Via Gwynnie Bee. I don’t see it available anywhere else online, but this site carries a lot of cute items in that brand in both plus and straight sizes

No one to blame for these photos but me.

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