%*%^$!# Week in Review
Yes, there’s a “normal” Week in Review in my drafts…but I’ll get to that another time. I couldn’t address this particular “week in review” without addressing the disturbing issues that have been publicized in the past week…and the ones that have been unpublicized for hundreds of years.
DISCLAIMER: I am not normally political or controversial or even all that “social justice aware,” and I know there are people who may not want to hear things like this. And this is the part where I’m supposed (?) to say “if you don’t want to hear these things, maybe now is the time to click onto something else.” But I’m not going to say that. In the past, that’s exactly what *I* did. And by not listening to “these things” I never learned. So, especially if you feel you don’t want to “hear things like this,” I’m going to ask you to please stay. Read. Be open to someone else’s story. Challenge yourself to learn.
I’m not going to tell anyone what to do. I’m just sharing my story. Yes, I’m making this about ME – so maybe others can learn from my mistakes, from my missteps, so maybe you will learn along with me.
And I’ll say it right now – I’m probably going to say the wrong things-please correct me. I’m going to leave things out-please bring them to my attention.
The truth is, I have had my eyes closed. All my life. I could say (and probably definitely have in the past) “but this is how I was raised.” I saw this quote on Instagram from Eliezer Yudkowsky:
You are personally responsible for becoming more ethical than the society you grew up in.
I can’t blame my parents or teachers or friends or society for my eyes being closed. It’s on ME for never having really paid attention. It’s on ME for not looking past the textbooks. Okay, as a kid I didn’t know to question things. But I haven’t been a kid in a long time and I should be questioning everything.
I do not have a big voice in the world…or on social media. But even with my small voice, it’s a struggle at a time like this to know what the right thing is to do or say. And “guidance” is confusing: “Be quiet so black voices can be heard.” “This is not the time to be quiet – speak up, speak out, take action!” It’s hard to know what to do! But “nothing” seems worse than “something.” Because doing nothing, saying nothing, asking nothing…is what got us where we are today.
And where are we? We are in a world that continues to tolerate racial inequality. I have not paid attention. Yep, I considered myself one of the “good white people,” not outwardly discriminating or treating people of color as “less.” I didn’t feel like part of the problem. But I AM part of the problem because I’m NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION. And THAT realization about myself hit me like a ton of bricks this week.
Seeing the horrible news stories over the past few months…
And not a death, thankfully, but a disturbing story that could easily have gone as wrong as any of the stories above: Chris Cooper
…and realizing that for all the stories we do hear about, mainly because we’re all carrying around miniature video cameras in our pockets these days, there are many others that we don’t. Will Smith said, “Racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed.” It’s always existed. We just didn’t always see it.
And yet for so long, all my life, I’ve thought “oh, that’s a horrible story,” but then…went on about my day. I own that. I feel deep remorse and guilt for that. But it all feels different at this time. It probably shouldn’t, but…it does. Maybe it’s black deaths + protests + coronavirus deaths + quarantine + uncertainty + political division + everything else that is stressful in normal everyday life – maybe it’s all these things crashing down on us, one after another after another with no time to even catch your breath in-between…all these things have created The Perfect Storm. A soul-crushing perfect storm.
But I feel like Right Now…maybe…the environment could be ripe for change. Maybe I’M ready to change. Maybe white people are ready to change. With all the darkness out there…I’m seeing some glimmers of hope. Of police officers taking a knee in front of protesters. Of white people stepping in-between police offers and protestors. Little sparkly glimmers.
I can’t change my past. I can’t change the past. But I can do better going forward. So I am taking in everything I can right now: news stories, podcasts, YouTube videos and documentaries on Netflix, I’m following new people on social media with messages that I Need To Hear. I’m not sleeping. I’m exhausted by it all. It’s so much to take in…and that’s why it’s been easy before for me to just…not. It’s a lot to hear and understand and…accept about myself. But I can’t just keep saying “oh that’s too hard,” or “I’m too tired.” I have to do it. I have to make a personal commitment to learn more about the history of black people (and yes, all people of color…but right now at this time I’m talking about black people). I have to make a personal commitment to be more inclusive of black people. To stand up for racial equality. To be part of the solution.
I’m not sharing all this for a shiny gold star or a pat on the back or “credit.” But if I don’t share what I’M doing, I can’t be modeling for someone else. And I am hoping to be a role model…even if only for one person.
Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. for, indeed, that’s all who ever have. ~ mARGARET MEAD
So. There are TONS of resources out there if you want to learn: how to be an ally to people of color, how to speak to your children about racism so the next generation can be better than those of the past, how to help change the world. There are black content creators to follow and learn from and to diversify your feeds – not to say “look how wonderful I am, I follow so many black people!” but so their skin color can be normalized. So you can learn about people who look different than you, that come from different backgrounds, that have experienced things that you have not. There are black businesses to support. Black organizations to donate to. I know, it’s a lot. I can’t do it all. But that doesn’t mean I can’t do something.
Tonight I’m “going to” a webinar about talking to children about racism. I’m not going so I can learn how to talk to children about racism. I’m going because I figure if it’s about breaking things down so children can understand…then maybe I can understand it, too. I have to start somewhere. This organization EmbraceRace.org has free webinars and articles.
I’ve donated to The Minnesota Freedom Fund and The Official George Floyd Memorial Fund and EmbraceRace.org. There are many other worthy organizations out there like Black Lives Matter, The NAACP’s Legal Defense & Educational Fund, Community Bail Funds. And so many more. If you can’t donate, you can visit the websites and read about the work they do, read about the needs they support.
I have followed new accounts on Instagram over the past few days. There has always been a lot of black plus-size accounts on my feed, but now I am also following black educators and artists and entrepreneurs and people who are inspiring and passionate:
@fabglance: a digital strategist and beautiful plus-size woman of color; @iamrachelricketts: racial justice educator; @moemotivate: anti-racism educator with a podcast “Shine Brighter Together;” @theconsciouskid: a nonprofit organization focused on parenting and education through a race lens; @karenbritchick, a style blogger; @ruthieridley: fashion blogger with some very powerful things to say in her stories this week; and @rachelcargle, a public academic, writer, lecturer, and activist. I could go on. If you want to know who else I’m following, ask. Also, some white IG accounts that I have followed for some time who are really standing up right now with good timely messages and recommendations: @karlareed, @whatkatiefinds, @bleubird, @maddygutierrez.
I just ordered Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Renni Eddo-Lodge and White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin J. DiAngelo.
Last night I watched “13th,” a documentary on Netflix that covered the history of black enslavement and criminalization in America from the 1600s to the present. It was eye-opening. I was watching someone on Instagram Stories last night and she was like “HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW ALL THIS?” I don’t know how to answer that question. But I didn’t know all this.
In school, I learned slavery was abolished in 1865 with the 13th Amendment and the Civil Rights Act was passed into law in 1964 and then we were all good. I didn’t look any further than that. That’s what I was taught. That’s probably what we were all taught. My mistake was never giving it another thought. I see that now.
What’s that saying, “when you know better you can do better“? Well, it’s time for me to know and do better. And again, I’m not saying “I did this” or “I did that” for “good white person” credits. I just didn’t want to throw up a list of stuff and say “here’s stuff for you to do/read/learn/donate to,” I want you to know I’m “walking the walk” too. Maybe we can walk together.
Am I making ANY sense? Am I just rambling? My head has felt like One Big Ramble all week. There’s been SO MUCH input – hard things to see, so much to learn, so many realizations. I’m not “woke,” as the young people say – ha ha. But I can (and will) do better.
James from @bleubird shared this list of 75 things white people can do for social justice.
Rachel Cargle has a new 16-minute YouTube video: Public Address On Revolution: Revolution Now – I haven’t watched it yet but it has been highly recommended and I will watch it.
Okay. I’m going to stop here. The “talking to children about racism” webinar is about to start and I want a front-row seat. I hope…I hope someone made it all the way to the end! I hope someone will want to walk with me. I hope someone will read or learn or do any of the things I wrote about. I hope someone will just think about this.
Little shimmery glimmers of hope.
Hayley
Beautiful. I am ashamed of my lack of knowledge. I’ll walk beside you.
bettyewp
Wonderful.
I keep thinking…and I’m not really sure how to go about it…but that a discussion group would be good. I have questions, I know others have questions, I keep reading that it is not the job of black people to teach us, and I GET THAT. But we, white people, while we can read the books and the news and watch the documentaries and read the discussions online…we’re still looking at it all through our white lens. I don’t know where to go with my questions. Maybe it’s not ABOUT “understanding”? Maybe it’s just about ACTION ? I feel like the one comes before the other IN MOST CASES but I hear that…this has all been going on FOR A LONG TIME. Is that my white privilege saying I can afford the luxury of taking the time to learn and understand? That instead, I should just go DO SOMETHING?! Stop (I’m talking to myself)! You’re spiraling! Anyway, I feel like a discussion group might be a good thing. Ideally, it would have white people AND black people. I’m not sure where to go with that. I’ll look around.
Penny
I always read you but don’t often comment. I feel I have to today as it comes from your heart and I am with you on your journey, and am with the black community in the US as far as any 74-yr-old white Brit can be. That video I couldn’t watch but I truly hope it is a turning point. If it is any consolation (it can’t be of course) racism is being discussed a lot here in the UK as well.
So what to do? Well, just listened to a discussion on the TV here and one black guy said in response to, ‘what is your experience of racism’ to which he replied, perhaps the question to ask is ‘what is it to be white’. And he explained as a black his experience is a response, so what is it to be white? Very good point, I thought.
bettyewp
I also can’t watch the video. When I first started hearing the story and clicked on the video to see what was going on………no words. I can’t imagine how it must be for his family to have that video played over and over again. BUT – without it, there may have never been any kind of justice in this case, so it did a job.
What is it to be white. That’s…hard to answer because it’s all I’ve ever been. I guess we can only ever REALLY understand what it is to be like OURSELVES. But that doesn’t mean we can’t empathize and support and stand with and behind…and in front of when needed.
“racism is being discussed a lot here in the UK as well.” From other there, does it seem that the UK is less racist (is less racist the right term? “further along on the path to no racism?”) than the US? I would not be surprised.
Glad you commented today, Penny. Thank you. Don’t be a stranger!
Penny
Hi Bettye
Just thought I had to reply to your reply (!) as over the pond in the UK we are racist. Yes, it’s not, I hope you don’t mind me saying, it’s not quite as bad or as overt as in the US, but it’s there alright. See this article for one take on our racism.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jun/04/systemic-racism-police-brutality-british-problems-black-lives-matter
I’ll just mention one aspect of our racism that makes my blood curdle, as who am I to speak about the whole issue. When Theresa May (the previous Prime Minister) was the Home Secretary she was part of the ‘hostile environment’ towards immigrants and under her governance there was the scandal of the Windrush generation. The Windrush is the ship that carried Caribbean islanders to the UK who btw, came at the request of the British government to help rebuild Britain after the war. They thought they were coming to the ‘motherland’ but suffered a lot of overt racism when they arrived. Anyway, they settled, brought up families and worked all their lives in the UK. So what happened during the time of the ‘hostile environment’ was they had to prove with loads of paperwork that they had come in those days after the war, and they didn’t have the right papers they were deported as unwanted immigrants (because they hadn’t been born in the UK) leaving family, and their lives behind. Some were able to stay and fight their deportation, but while they were doing this they couldn’t work, or get any help from the state including getting a pension or health care and often these were people who had actually worked all their lives in the NHS. It makes my blood boil because as a nurse I worked alongside many of these women who had come over from the Caribbean to nurse in the NHS. I get so upset about it I try to avoid reading the many articles that are written not eh subject, because they are very very sad stories. I have decided (it’s such small thing) that from now on I will face up to our treatment of the Windrush generation and read those articles.
You wrote such an important post – thank you for writing it.
bettyewp
Well, that’s a horrible and, sadly, too familiar story!
And I think you’re probably right that, again, sadly, America is probably more racist than many other places. Which is so ironic since this country was based on freedom from persecution.
And my statement made me think of a brief encounter I saw on Twitter – and I’m sure we’ve all heard this sort of exchange many times – “If you don’t like it, go somewhere else.” Which, really…isn’t it better to STAY and try to improve things than just to run away? I always hate when I see that response to “things aren’t perfect here.”
Thanks, Penny.
Tina von Tinaspinkfriday
Bettye I love you wrote this post. I can understand how you feel. I am sad and speechless about the world, Germany and the recent events in USA nowadays.
These week I read in teaser from bloglovin… shoes…travel…cooking…eating… oh whats this…and my heart beats: “If you are neutral in situations of injustuce you have chosen the side of the oppressor” – Desmond Tutu. I think yes thats right…and wonder about the bloggers who continue as all it’s okay. Hope you can read this, my englisch is solala 🙂 and I have to look about some words in google tanslater.
In my life there is no mind and thinking about one people is better than another people. All colours matters for me, or better say no matter… they are all just people for me. no matter which ancestry, race, species or gender it belongs to or comes from.
And I read this quote from Desmond Tutu and do things like you. Donation, underwrite petition etc…..
You do it right Bettye, o forward. But stay safe and healthy. Every single person is important. ♥
Violant is no solution. It seems D.Trump is a violent person. I am sad about it.
I would like to tell you so much more, but the words missing in english.
My heart and my mind is with you Bettye. ♥
bettyewp
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice you have chosen the side of the oppressor” – Desmond Tutu. Such a beautifully apt quote – thank you for sharing it with us.
“It seems D.Trump is a violent person. I am sad about it.” You and me both.
Is racism “better” – not the right word, but – in other countries? I have never spent time outside the US. What is it like for people of color where you live?
Your English – and sentiments – are lovely, Tina.
Thanks for your support, Tina xoxo
Donna
I’m with you all the way – this is a watershed moment and I’m so hoping it will make for some change here in Australia too, in regard to our indigenous people … God it’s well past time!!
Thank you for sharing and for mentioning all those resources.
Take care
Donna 🧚🏻♀️❤️🐝
https://donnadoesdresses.com
bettyewp
Watershed Moment! Yes! A perfect term. Thank you.
Cheryl
I hope that racism is completely eliminated, in Australia we have just celebrated Reconciliation Week between indigenous and nonindigenous people but we need so much more to happen here. We should value everybody the same, my father told my sister and I that no one is better or less than anyone else. Thank you for your awesome post.
Cheryl
bettyewp
“I hope that racism is completely eliminated” – well that is certainly the hope. Ooh, Reconciliation Week, that sounds interesting!
Your father is a wise man, Cheryl.
Julie
Hi Bettye,
Medium time reader, first time commenter.
I’m very glad you brought this up and addressed it in this forum.
I really love your writing style, and while I came for the advice on trouser lengths you bring so much more than that.
You’re totally entertaining but also very “real” and more power to you, don’t worry about “is this a good thing to talk about” as long as you sleep straight in your bed at night.
Julie in Melbourne
P.S. my cat Millie is the Doppelgänger of Janey. Janey has a lighter tip to her tail but it’s uncanny.
bettyewp
a) ha ha “medium time reader” b) HERETIC CATS! I love it! c) Millie <3
I so appreciate your comments, Julie. This was a hard one to share. There was a lot of should I? shouldn't I? am I doing this wrong? do people want to hear this? are people going to disagree with this? IS THERE GOING TO BE CONFRONTATION (my worst fear)??? But. I realized. That's the POINT. It IS uncomfortable and hard and different and fraught with mistakes and CONFRONTATION. But I needed to do it anyway. Again, not a pat on the back YAY ME but more of...look, *I* did it and *I'M* a CHICKEN SH_T!!! Well, I did SOMETHING. One foot in front of the other starts with one foot. Or a toe 🙂
HA HA Trouser lengths, I'm the WORST! That's one of the things that keep me from having alterations done! I'm sure I'm going to get it wrong and then I'll have paid money to ruin new pants! I need a Pants Length Advisor to go with me to the tailor. I don't know that the dry cleaning tailor is following trouser length trends on Instagram. OH. Look at me, judging people again. They MIGHT know. They might be the KING AND QUEEN of APPROPRIATE LEGWEAR LENGTHS and Instagram looks to THEM for advice. Sigh. My new motto -> WORLD IS HARD.
Thanks for being a medium time reader…and now a commenter…and FRIEND!
Marian
Best post ever! Like you, I know little and I’ve been sitting here, wondering what to do to learn more, make myself a better person and be able to promote a non-racist life. I come from a lineage of persecuted Jews, and my post WWII immigrant parents who suffered prejudice daily, certainly spoke about it. But by the time I was born, I personally never experienced it. I’ve lived in mostly liberal places where most people I encounter think alike. That only reinforces what we know and do. I can philosophize over the dinner table and read a few articles but that doesn’t improve my knowledge or change my behavior.
You did a really good thing role modeling how to change. By telling us and sharing what you’re doing, you’re helping me get started and making it easier. I could have figured out a way of learning and actions myself but you’ve done days of thinking and researching which spoon feeds me to get started and do similar.
As a wife and mother of grown kids, I get to role model and change the dinner conversations. One of my kids is a teacher at an Oakland CA high school and has mostly non white students and they don’t live in my little suburban bubble any longer. They (gender neutral) already live and work in a world facing racism but next time we talk, I won’t be as ignorant and I’ll have taken my first steps towards change. Thank you for helping to lead me!
Like my fellow fashionschlub readers, I like your approach to life, not just clothes. You are a very warm person, and what you write is interesting, mostly fun and entertaining but also informative. Today’s post was probably the most significant thing I’ve read in months.
bettyewp
Thank you so much, Marian.
It’s so unfortunate that we seem so easily capable of just blowing off the past. And I’m saying “we” but…it’s probably NOT everyone. It’s ME “yeah, grampa, we know, the great depression, you walked 20 miles through the snow to get to school, yeah yeah yeah” (<- not an actual example but you get the point). But it DOES feel easy to be dismissive of events of the past AS THOUGH THEY WERE NOT STILL HAPPENING. "Black History" was exactly that to me - HISTORY. I wasn't stopping to pay attention to the fact that NO. IT'S TODAY. And just because *I* have not experienced it doesn't make it not real. Sigh. Yes, even my reading and webinarring just feels like...watching and not doing. I mean, it IS watching and not doing, ha. But First Steps. I have to figure out now what I can DO. How I can be a help. AND how to make it really a part of LIFE. And not just something I do when I get riled up by news stories. I'm sure there will be a lot of that - it's human nature. The Honeymoon Phase. And that will REALLY be the hard part - keeping it going. I don't even know what I'm talking about 🙂 But I'm gonna keep going anyway. I bet you can learn a lot from your kids. I feel like the "young people" ha ha - THE NEXT GENERATION is already more...socially and racially aware and activism-centric than mine was. At least I HOPE the young people around me are emblematic of MANY. Thank you for being a support, Marian!
Marian
You’re absolutely right. It’s TODAY.
It has happened to both my husband and me (separately) that we’re at a pleasant social gathering with people we don’t know we’ll, and suddenly someone says some thing horrible. It comes out of the blue. And we each sat there dumbstruck. At my husband’s event, a few others chimed I’m in agreement. At my event, people got quiet and looked down at their plates and someone changed the subject to the weather. The thought runs through your mind: I need to say something! But what? I have opinions but no real knowledge. Do I start a big unpleasant discussion at a nice gathering? By saying nothing, one could assume I agreed and I reinforce their opinions.
I don’t know how to have those conversations. I googled how to have them. There are good instructions but like anything, it takes time and effort to gain knowledge and practice that style of confrontation. My kids have both pointed out repeatedly that it’s better to be real and honest and speak out, even if……, rather than remain silent. And like you, I want to keep it going past the honeymoon stage. Hey, I did it with sugar! I can do this!!!
bettyewp
I THINK I saw someone somewhere (I’ve been watching/reading so many things in so many different places I’m losing track of who’s said what where) say this about exactly the scenario you described – OH, maybe it was the how to talk to your kids webinar last night at embracerace.org (ps, the webinar was recorded and is being shared on their website/youtube). Someone says something horrible. You can say “that makes me uncomfortable.” They may push back, they may ask why, they may say mean things to you…they may be embarrassed and take it back, they MAY apologize, they MAY think about your words the NEXT time they go to say something like that. Someone ELSE may take courage from your words. All from a simple “that makes me uncomfortable.” It’s an easy way into the conversation. It doesn’t require knowledge. Their statement made you uncomfortable. That’s how you feel and your feelings aren’t wrong. Plus, it’s positive modeling for the others who are THINKING that very thing but are just staring down at their plates.
I realize my “they may turn into wonderful people” hopes are a little Pollyana-ish, but isn’t that what we’re really all hoping for (I’m NOT going to say “can’t we all just get along?”)??
Your kids are very smart!
Oh, ha, it took me reading through your comment like five times to understand the “I did it with sugar!” reference! Yes! You did! And you can do this, too.
Thanks for being here, Marian xoxo
karen
WAY TO GO, BETTYE! I will walk with you. I am SO tired too of all this lockdown in a personal way and when my husband shows me news bits, I say, “I’m too tired to think about that.” Tina’s quote about being neutral in situations of injustice is the same as joining the oppressor was a stab to the heart. I am here in Canada and we are no better. I applauded Seth Rogan’s (one us us!) tweet about “Black Lives Matter – “If this is remotely controversial for you then feel free to unfollow me”. It’s time to stop being too tired and self-involved. I will research your recommendations. I’m not political either, but this is NOT a political issue. THANK YOU! You are a brave woman and have earned your right to talk ato us bout something other than pant lengths (which we may never understand anyway!). Be blessed for your efforts. You are making a difference and not a small one. xo karen
bettyewp
Okay, a) “you have earned your right to talk to us about something other than pant lengths (which we may never understand anyway!).” HA! So funny! Second reference today about me talking about pant lengths! Do I do that a lot? I have NO recollection of talking about pant lengths. Or is that like code for “things fashion bloggers talk about” ?? Ha.
I was not familiar with the Seth Rogan reference and just looked it up – HA! Good for him!
And yes, the quote by Desmond Tutu is always very apt. Did you know there’s a second part to it (that you never see when he’s quoted) that is something like “if an elephant stands on a mouse’s tail and you stay neutral…your neutrality does not help the mouse” – or something like that! You get the point and I’m sure he said it better than I.
Is it my CROPPED pants? Ha, I can’t past this pants length thing!
Thank you for your comment, Karen 🙂
Karen
HA! I was joining your joke about possibly the dry cleaning tailor being THE KING AND QUEEN OF APPROPRIATE LEGWARE LENGTHS and Instagram looking to THEM for advice. That is SO funny. I even had a little cartoon in my head about it. (The tailor was Asian with limited English and there I go profiling!) I don’t recall you ever talking in great detail about “legwear length” so, yes… that is code for “all the things fashion bloggers might talk about”. I’m tickled to have a big laugh in the midst of this grim topic. If you could come over I’d make you a big Long Island Iced Tea and invite a few friends along for that discussion group. xo karen
julia
Bettye, I’m walking with you. I’m trying to be better and not just be “not racist” but to be “anti-racist”. I think it’s important you wrote about this, because I don’t know about you, but I find the blogger’s who are ignoring using their platform during this time as annoying, especially us whities. This is the elephant in the room. Let’s talk about it and process it together and make changes. Even if it’s donating to one organization $10. I’m ready for a country where everyone feels safe no matter the seratonin in their skin!
bettyewp
Yay! And you’re a good walker! I’ll try to keep up 🙂
Don’t just be not-racist, be anti-racist. Yes. I keep thinking, in my little life, my biggest challenge will be speaking with my ex-husband. We get along well enough, I go there for holidays and family celebrations, I am “Aunt Bettye” to his kids. He makes derisive remarks, “jokes,” complaints about many “groups” of people. In the past I would roll my eyes and leave the room or just turn towards another conversation. We have never been on the same age about “PEOPLE.” But. I feel the RIGHT thing to do is…not just let his words hang there, uncontested. Am I going to change him? Absolutely not. I tried and failed and divorced. But maybe his kids will hear something I say, or my nieces when they’re there. And I know that is going to be hard for me. CONFRONTATION, ugh. But. Yeah. It’s hard. Do it anyway (I’m talking to myself ha ha).
“I’m ready for a country where everyone feels safe no matter the seratonin in their skin!” It’s a plan.
xoxo
Jaynn
The lump in my throat and the tears stinging my eyes remind me how important your post is. I am from Detroit and then lived in LA and have protested and marched and done a lot of social justice work but I heard something this morning that resonates with me now, as so many people are coming to the table, asking, praying, aching… “less racist is still racist”.
I am so tired of trying to educate people who tell me “all lives matter” this week. As I have aged, I care less what people think of me and more about the chance to be honest, to affect change, to point out unfairness in the world.
Just typing this has thrown me into a torrent. I have no point here, just dumping, venting… thank you again for the space here, to share, to think, to reflect… to change.
And, sadly, you could add Dion Johnson (https://www.phxsoul.com/dion-johnsons-shooting-death-by-arizona-dps-leaves-many-broken-hearts-unanswered-questions/) to your list… killed Memorial Day by white cops while sitting in his car on the freeway here in Phoenix. No matter what, no one deserves to die like this. Nothing merits what happened.
I appreciate your passion, and the passion coming from your readers. Indeed, this is a great place to start – anywhere is a great place to start.
bettyewp
A) Dion Johnson – I had not even heard of this case til you said it here. I just looked now and it looks like it has not made it into the NY papers. You’d think NOW that any more occurrences like this would be NATIONAL news. I will definitely add him to the list in my blog post. Thank you for telling me.
B) Good for you for being active for social justice. I admit I have never done anything like that. I know that ignorance is no defense. I don’t know what else to say. These issues were just not on my radar. MOST things were not on my radar. I did not take the trouble to be aware or informed. Shame on me for not being aware. I will be better. Too little, too late? I don’t know. But I can still be better.
C) “I have no point here, just dumping, venting” – I hear that. That’s how my post was feeling to me yesterday. Like, am I just rambling? Do I have a point? Is this useful? I spent much of my day and night writing, deleting, writing, editing…but part of me said JUST GET THIS OUT. Make yourself get the words out…and we can all talk about it later.
D) I am SO grateful for my readers, my friends here.
Thank you for your words, Jaynn.
Jaynn
Ms Bettye – I brought you into 3 different conversations yesterday, mentioning your post and what you and others shared here – the experiences and how you will move forward – with intention. There is still so much work to do – individually and collectively. And you are doing it! And that gives me hope! You have chosen to DO! I always say that it is one thing to complain and quite another to come up with solutions. You are coming up with solutions and that makes me proud, even though I don’t know you. I am proud to know there is one Bettye and hope there are others! Thank you again. It was so good to come back and read your post again today, and the replies and responses as well. Best to you!
bettyewp
Oh man, blush much?? Ha. Thank you, Jaynn. I’m so pleased to see so many responses, that so many want to do the work to make a difference. I don’t just mean here, I mean all over – the internet, people at work, etc.
Jaynn
And THANK YOU for adding Dion Johnson’s story to your post. No body camera, no dash cam, no nothing. This has got to stop happening.
bettyewp
I don’t want to have to keep adding names to the list 🙁
Pam
Great post. I have two adopted black grandchildren and I have always worried not just about racism directed at them but also how to raise them without separating them from black culture. It has always been a struggle and it is especially acute right now. Increased awareness of these issues by many more people, especially by those of us who are white (and thus privileged whether we realize it or not) is is a welcome start.
bettyewp
I can’t imagine raising a child (or grandchildren) that seemed destined for racism and harm. The responsibility! They’re lucky to have you xoxo
jodie filogomo
I can’t even say anything that you or the others haven’t already said. This is fabulous. We do have to be better, and everyday is a new start.
XOOX
Jodie
bettyewp
Every day IS a new start.
What can I do tomorrow??
xoxo
Linda Root
It took me a few attempts to read this post. I’m glad you wrote it.
bettyewp
It took me a few attempts to WRITE this post! I’m glad you read it 🙂
Deborah Stinedurf
My friend, you know that I am right here with you on every single thing that you have written. I just published my post and I linked to yours as well because the more people read and learn the more change that hopefully will come. Thank you so much for encouraging me to stop being a coward and speak my truth. It was scary to do, but I’m glad that I did it. Thank you for being amazing and for being such a good friend. xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
bettyewp
I don’t think you’re ever a coward, Debbie 🙂 I think we’re all just concerned about saying/doing the wrong thing. But you spoke your truth… https://www.fashionfairydust.com/what-ive-learned-as-a-white-woman/
xoxo
Shelbee on the Edge
Bettye, I apologize for taking so long to give this a read. You have blown me away with your raw honesty. I admire you so very much and I will walk along with you as well. Thank you for taking the lead…
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
bettyewp
Thanks for the nice words…I hardly took the lead, but. I’m glad I took a step…and that others are, too.
xoxo
Omaye
Read the whole post. WOW.
It felt like a confessional piece. I appreciate your honestly and it’s actually quite endearing. Racism is hard to talk about because one has to admit their fault and part the play in it. Not only for themselves, but for the ancestors and late relatives that built the foundation of it. It can be heart wrenching but rewarding at the end.
Racism ultimately stems from greed as the concept race didn’t exist 600 years ago. Until colonialism and imperialism reared it head, governments has to convince their citizens on their acts hence white supremacy over ‘savages’.
There is still a long way to go like mission trips to ‘third world countries’ but we’ll eventually get there.
Your voice is not small. Don’t ever believe that. I came here from two other blog site that’s were inspired by this post. Imagine all the others that have read it too.
I respect you.
https://ooomaye.com
bettyewp
Thanks so much for coming by, Omaye! I hope I have your name right (!). It felt like confession to me, too. Forgive me for I have been ignorant. I agree, racism IS hard to talk about. Wow. I think people JOKE about it, COMPLAIN, share their opinions, get OUTRAGED (oh gosh, and yeah, by “people” I mean WHITE PEOPLE), but I have not been involved in too many (if any?) DISCUSSIONS about race. I never feel well enough informed to speak to many issues. But. THAT’S not a good excuse. So I’m learning.
“Racism ultimately stems from greed as the concept race didn’t exist 600 years ago.” I don’t think I even understand that sentence (!) but I’m glad you said it because now I can look up what it means!
I read your post about the transparency of make-up and fashion brands and recommend it https://ooomaye.com/are-you-ready-for-transparency Speaking with our dollars is one very clear way to get a message across to companies that they need to diversify their employees, marketing, all of it. It’s one way to stand in support of the black community. So thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for your comment!
Mary Katherine
Hello Bettye! I’m your newest follower, and found you via Jodie Filogomo – my fashion/blogger hero, and I’ve enjoyed your IG posts. 100% with you on every piece of this. I wrote a similar blog post myself last week, over which I waffled, agonized, procrastinated, and finally said what was bursting from my heart. I really appreciate all the resources you listed here. We all have SO much work to do, and it can’t stop with knowledge. Thank you SO much for your courage, and I look forward to future posts.
bettyewp
Oh yay, now I know who you are! I’ve seen your posts on Instagram. So envious of your riding! I used to ride and have horses a million years ago.
Thanks for the kind words about the posts and I will definitely go read yours, as well. The IG one this morning was not really…planned. I just…I’d refrained from doing any of my “usual” posting and I finally thought the longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be to “go back in the water,” so let me at least express my concerns and jump in. For better or worse.
Welcome!