A Year Ago at This Time
A year ago at this time I was reeling with the realization that I had been ghosted. I can’t believe it’s been a year. It was not easy. I wrote a LOT of emails that I never sent – sometimes that’s the best form of journaling for me. Asking and saying all the things you wish you had said in the moment. Getting to really be angry. It’s a way of getting some of that bad stuff out of your head. I’m proud of myself that I never contacted him after that, not even once. I WANTED to. But I managed to not.
A year ago at this time I was on the verge of a 2-week vacation. The longest vacation I’d had (not counting time out in 2017 for surgery, but that was no vacation) since I started at my job 11 years earlier. I had a healthy bucket list…but ghoster knocked me for a loop and my main activity during that time was sitting alone playing things back in my head…and writing the aforementioned never-to-be-sent emails.
A year ago at this time I had been in my old apartment for exactly a year. I knew she was going to be putting it on the market early in the coming year, but I thought I could stay there until it sold, so I didn’t feel my next move was imminent. SURPRISE!
Two years ago at this time I was getting my head shaved as I was losing my hair rapidly due to chemo.
Nine years ago at this time we were dropping Katie off for her first year of college and I was packing to move from my sweet little house to the wilds of Brooklyn.
Time passes. Nothing stays the same. Things progress. They change. You grow.
I can’t even imagine what changes might take place in the coming year. Standing here, it seems like nothing major. But we probably always think that.
Sigh.
Speaking of changes, THIS is absolutely, positively The Last Gwynnie Bee Dress. When I called last week to cancel my subscription she told me my next item had already been sent, so…I got to have one more GB moment. And this dress is that rare item for me: A Thing That’s Too Big. I don’t know if I’m getting smaller (ha ha) or clothing is getting larger, but it does seem to be happening more and more often. It’s a cute dress, coral with polka dots in sort of a swingy crepey polyester. Anne Klein. But it’s just too much dress for me. It’s too long, it’s too full. I’m only 5’3.” If you were like 5’5″ or taller and as big through the stomach/butt/hips as I am, it would probably be great. But…it was the last thing so I was darn well gonna wear it!
It was 300% humidity that morning. I had just showered and blown my hair out: sleek, smooth, swingy. Two minutes out in that soup and you would never guess that just moments earlier I had been a vision of loveliness.
If you had to guess what might be different in your life in a year…what might that be?
What I Wore:
- Anne Klein Polka Dot Midi Dress, size 3x. Exact dress in straight sizes here, and comparable in plus size here and here.
- Steve Madden cognac slides, old. Comparable here and here.
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Lin
Hey! I think you’re misjudging the dress! I think it looks really pretty on you and that colour is gorgeous! I know it’s a Gwynnie Bee so you won’t be keeping it, but as a ‘too dressy’ dress, it really works for you! I hope you enjoy this years holiday.
bettyewp
Thanks, Lin! I hope I enjoy my holiday, too!!
MJ
I love this dress on you!
On another note, I also write emails I never send… very therapeutic 🙂
bettyewp
Thanks, MJ! Oh yeah, I opened my drafts folder the other day after a long time of not…and I was shocked at how many emails there were to HIM that I had never sent. And they brought me right back to whatever the issue du jour was, and right back to remembering those feelings. I am a big “not sayer.” I will seethe or cry inside and not say a word. I know that’s not good, but…I Yam Who I Yam.
Carol
The dress is lovely on you. Congrats on thriving through some tough times.
bettyewp
Thanks, Carol.
I don’t know that congratulations are exactly in order. Am I “thriving”? Mostly I just feel like I’m SURVIVING. Cuz what’s the option? I sort of wish I could survive with more grace, but…yeah, that wouldn’t be like me at all!
Diana H
I really like the look of this dress on you! Congrats on making it through some of the toughest years!!!
bettyewp
Thanks, Diana.
I started writing a whole response about it all being relative and someone else always having it worse, etc., but it quickly ran down to me being negative and while I generally AM a little negative, I don’t FEEL like being negative right now…which is odd for me, but…I’m going with it 🙂
And I’ll just leave it at “Thanks, Diana.” Is that growth? Who knows.
diane
I agree with the other ladies – that dress is a keeper. Very pretty and feminine. KEEP IT. Don’t waste any more time on the ghoster. Forget about him. He wasn’t worth your time. You deserve better. You are a unique and talented woman who has much to offer. Get out there and enjoy life. Keep the dress for those special occasions you are about to celebrate!
bettyewp
Forgetting about someone – easier said than done 🙁
Judi
Bettye, that dress is stunning on you. Reconsider if you can afford it.
bettyewp
Thanks, Judi.
Boy, you guys would have me with 200 things in my closet!
Daenel T.
I like that color on you – the dress is very pretty.
I type email. I have mental arguments. I do it all. Then I go out and pretend all is normal. But, man, one time I’d like to go ahead and just say it all.
bettyewp
Wouldn’t that be great? A day where you could say whatever you wanted to and it would all be forgotten the next day. Like amnesty day at the library – the one day a year where you can return all your late books without paying any late fees!
jodie filogomo
I know you think the dress seems too much, but in the photos it really looks lovely on you Bettye!!
As for changes. Who knew I’d be living in AZ a year ago (or even 6 months ago?). But life would be boring if it never changed, I guess…ha ha.
OXOX
Jodie
bettyewp
Wow, yeah, right?? That was a BIG life change! They’re always a little more fun when YOU get to make the decision to change.
Tina von Tinaspinkfriday
Bettye you look stunning in this dress. You should keep it. It works very well.
XO tina
bettyewp
Thanks, Tina. The dress has already been returned but I have high hopes of finding a better one!
Jules
Love that dress!!
https://julesonthemoon.com/
bettyewp
It *was* a pretty dress….
Pauline starsmore
The dress looks really lovely on you Keep it!!
bettyewp
Thanks, Pauline…but it’s already back home at Gwynnie Bee for someone else to enjoy 🙂
Maggie Donapel
Oh, I remember reading about that and hurting for you last year, Bettye. It seems to me that things change more rapidly now that I’m older … that I look back over the decades of relative sameness and calm and the last five years have been ones of upheaval (mostly good). We are moving for the fourth time in five years in a few weeks and I fervently hope this will be the LAST PLACE! But you never know!
For what it’s worth, I love that dress on you!
bettyewp
Wow, you’re moving? Where to??
Iris
My goodness – I’m sad to hear you’ve returned that dress 🙂 And I agree with everyone else – it looks great on you. Does not look too big or too long. As a matter of fact, it makes you look slimmer. And your hair – it looks great. My first thought when I saw the first picture was: “that dress and her hair both look great”. But, you’ve moved on from that to something better.
As far as the year ago jerk – you know you can’t change the past. And you wouldn’t want him in your life anyway!!!
A year ago today I surely wouldn’t have thought me in this place with my health – but it is what it is and I’m thankful for each day above the grass.
Love you,
Grace & Peace,Iris
http://www.IrisOriginalsRamblings.com
bettyewp
Wow, that dress was really a crowd favorite, ha! It just didn’t FEEL good on. There was just too much of it.
Hoping you stay above the grass, too!
Anna at Muttonstyle
This dress is gorgeous on you. Great colour and shape and oh those dots, sigh.
Anna at Muttonstyle
bettyewp
Thanks, Anna. I do love a polka dot!