And I gotta tell you, it SUCKS.
I’m not going to go into the whole long ALMOST 40 YEAR on-again-off-again friends/more-than-friends story here. It’s way too long and convoluted and complicated (aren’t they all? Facebook has THAT one right) to try and explain in a blog post. Suffice it to say that I was broken up with on New Year’s Day and I just learned about it TODAY. Well, Wednesday, August 22, 2018 – I’m not sure when I’ll be posting this. I believe I wrote in my New Year’s Day post something about looking forward to the new year and how promising it seemed because I had a special person in my life. Who, unbeknownst to me, was NOT in my life, he just didn’t make it clear. At ALL.
I realize you’re probably thinking, uhm, New Years Day was 7 months (and 2 weeks and 1 day) ago, you haven’t seen or heard from him in all that time, how could you not know?? There are explanations, but suffice it to say he did not SAY he didn’t want to see me anymore, so I did not KNOW he did not want to see me anymore…I thought he just needed a break. I thought sooner or later one of us would reach out and say Okay, Enough, and we’d pick back up where we left off. Cuz that’s sort of what we’ve been doing since 1980. I just kept hoping it would be HIM. So I waited. And waited.
And now I’ve seen him and he told me that what he said that day (1.1.18) MEANT “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore,” even though that is not at ALL what he said. And I’m still in shock that all that time I was waiting to hear from him, he felt we were broken up.
And I’ll be okay, I know that. I just don’t FEEL okay. I feel…really really really REALLY REALLY sad. And hurt.
I’m not feeling very perky right now. And my vacation bucket list is feeling pretty irrelevant. And I just wanted to say something cuz you’ve all been so lovely about wishing me a good vacation and all I feel like doing now is climbing into bed and staying there til I have to go back to work. And there will probably be no normal Friday post (try to not be too crushed). Cuz I just need a little time to watch sad movies, cry and day drink.
BUT I’LL BE BACK. I’M NOT BREAKING UP WITH YOU. Just wanted to make that clear. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE.