I was feeling very peaceful this day. It was the day I was finally going to get out and away from my home area a little bit. The drive in to Brooklyn was nice. There were only a few other cars out and the roads even felt smoother than usual. I was listening to gentle music from some of my recent favorite dramas.

One part of the drive took me down one of my favorite pieces of road, the Jackie Robinson Parkway. To some people this road is hell, but I always find it so lovely. It’s narrow for a parkway; only two lanes in each direction and it’s winding and both sides are dense with trees in cemeteries and golf courses so you feel like you’re driving through a big park. The foliage is just starting to change to olive greens, yellows, and hints of orange.

I planned to go to Bushwick to my favorite donut shop and take pictures there in the street art section but driving down Jackie Robinson I was reminded of the park where I used to bring Caleb when we lived here and I thought that would be a nicer spot with the foliage looking so beautiful. It was a little sad going there because all my memories of that park are with Caleb and I haven’t been there since I used to go with him.

Typically this park would be very empty. It was always sort of neglected, which made it perfect for me to bring the dog here because no one was taking the time and trouble to kick me and my boy out. I called it Rape Park back then because it seemed like the perfect setting for such things.

But today, because it was such a lovely warm day, the parking lot was about half full. There were people with dogs, people jogging, families picnicking. I was reminded of the car detailers that would come here to work on clients’ cars and I sat and watched two gentlemen scrub and shine up some wheel rims and chrome fenders. It was very relaxing to watch them.

I watched a man throw a stick for his something-doodle into a ravine about 50 times and the dog’s boundless energy and joy was a pleasure to watch.

Only a few people walked past where I was shooting which is so nice when I’m using the tripod. I was able to take my time and experiment a little bit, whereas usually I’m feeling sort of rushed and on display so I hurry through and am often not entirely pleased with the results.

I was reminded of how much I enjoyed living here. That realization is always in my mind somewhere, but…it gets buried under other things because life is what it is and I just can’t live there right now. I was alone here; I really didn’t make friends here other than acquaintances in the same building, and over the three years only one or two friends came in to visit me here. So I mostly did things by myself.

When I got home from work I would change my clothes, grab a snack, grab the dog and off we’d go. We’d come to the park or drive to a more populated area and get ice cream or a coffee and sit on a bench where I could be around people without really being with people. Sometimes someone would stop to pet the dog and we would have a brief conversation and then they would be on their way. And that was just the right amount for me. I loved exploring here. Every place was exciting and interesting and new.

Even on this day, before I came to the park, I drove around a sort of gritty area, where the trains come and there’s lots of construction going on and empty lots. The kind of area I think most people would call sketchy and leave as quickly as they could, but I enjoy just driving around, looking at the sights that are different than my normal ones. Watching the people who are living different lives than I am. Wondering what brings them peace. Wondering if they even have peace.

I hope they do.

WHAT I’M WEARING

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