On this day 28 years ago I got the most wonderful gift – my beautiful baby girl, Katie.

I remember the day so well…from the weird “basketball inflating and deflating” inside my belly all day (that I only later realized were contractions) while my girlfriend and I sat in lawn chairs in the front yard, pointing to giant rhododendron bushes, about which I was telling my (then) husband to move “a foot to the left,” and when he was done with that back-breaking job, to move them back again, as it just didn’t look right…to my water breaking later that night and me insisting, while my now MUCH more painful contractions were coming a minute apart, that I put on my “going-to-the-hospital-to-have-a-baby outfit” when I couldn’t even stand up, let alone put on PANTS…to the WONDERFUL morphine drip and watching our Golden Retriever Tyler spinning around on the blades of the ceiling fan above my bed…to being handed, later, a tiny little dark red papoose with perfect rosebud lips that I had NO idea what to do with (!!!)  but gosh did I love her.

She has been a joy and a blessing every day since then.

She never went through “the terrible twos” or threes…or terrible anything.

She’s just been an amazing person to know and live with and love.

She has been a light in my life.

I couldn’t be more proud of the independent, kind, caring, smart, capable woman she has become.

Happy Birthday, Katie.

One year ago on this same day I lost my best boy – my wonderful Caleb.

I remember this day perfectly as well. From calling the vet just the day before to ask “how will I know when it’s time,” because I knew it was close…to that morning him only giving his breakfast one lick before giving up and thrashing around so much in trying to stay on his feet that he knocked over his food bowl, water bowl and himself so now he was a heavy soaked sad boy and I was so afraid he was going to think he’d done something wrong and I was upset at him, when I was really just upset for him. I managed to get him a little dried off and to his bed in the living room while I started making frantic calls to the vet, the back-up vet and then a vet the back-up vet recommended when no one else was available, because in spite of being unsure just the day before, now I knew it was time and someone needed to come IMMEDIATELY and put him out of his discomfort and confusion. I finally found someone who could come, but not til later that afternoon, and once Caleb had fallen asleep on the floor at my feet (he kept slipping off the bed) I didn’t move again for the rest of the day for fear of waking him and starting the whole horrible process of him trying, unsuccessfully, to stand all over again. Every so often I would bend down and stroke his head and whisper to him that he was a good boy, that he was always a good boy, that he was the very best boy and that I loved him so much. He really never woke up that whole day, even when the vet and his assistant got there that afternoon…and I suspect that his body had started shutting down…and he just mercifully slept through the end.

And then he was gone, my gentle, wonderful boy.

My companion, friend and perfect gentleman.

He got me out of the house, out of my head and into the world.

He was my fellow-adventurer.

He kept me moving and exploring.

He was always a good boy.

He demanded nothing from me but he gave me so much.

A year later I am still grieving his loss. Like with the loss of any loved one, you can be going about your day, thinking about what needs to be done next…when you see something that triggers your emotions and the next thing you know tears are streaming down your cheeks and you can barely catch your breath. A dog food commercial, a car driving by with a furry head stuck out the window, a Facebook “On This Day.”

My two great loves.

So near to my heart…but both so far away from me. I am missing them both today.

So much.