Week in Review: Week 261

This week, in the absence of pictures of anything new (cuz there’s nothing) (new), I’m sharing some old ones I found while cleaning out/organizing old pictures, and finally combining all the contents of four external hard drives onto ONE. A project 10+ years in the making.

MONDAY

Grateful for a day with no online fundraising platform demos to attend. I believe like a month ago I was grateful for “no more online fundraising platform demos,” but. THAT didn’t stick. We’re still at it.

I CANNOT stay awake for these things! Put me in a chair in a warm, quiet room and tell me DON’T DO ANYTHING JUST LISTEN and bam, I’m out. Ha. I try to take notes or do little dancey dances with my feet under the desk, anything just to keep me awake but it’s not enough. Once I fell so soundly asleep so quickly I actually dreamt I was holding a small crocodile. Ha. Then I woke up and had to keep myself from laughing at the ridiculousness of the dream.

OOh! I renewed my car registration online today. Only one day late! Almost Adulting for the win! Go Me!

TUESDAY

Grateful for today as it’s the one day this week that I don’t have to go into school to work.

WEDNESDAY

Oh man, I ate like CRAP today. Ha. And it was such a conscious decision, even knowing I would not feel well for it.

I’ve gotten into fairly consistent eating habits, at least during the week:
* protein for breakfast (beef, chicken, or pork – I cook up enough, usually on the weekend, to get me through M-F breakfasts)
* low-carb protein shake for lunch (cuz it’s convenient, yummy, and satisfying and allows me max time just sitting alone in my car in the parking lot next door, not having to go anywhere or see anyone)
* whatever dinner is: either some pot of something I’ve made over the weekend: soup, chili or a big salad or Death by Spicy Ramen (that I doctor to make edible and I am OBSESSED), and usually once a week a slice of pizza
* weekends are a wild card

Anyway, as long as I stick to the early-day protein plan, I feel fine. But yesterday, I chose chocolate croissant and sugary Starbucks latte for breakfast and oofah, I was dizzy by mid-morning. And I knew I would be. But sometimes you just WANT IT, you know? Then I carried on the theme with a Taco Bell quesadilla for lunch. At least for dinner I reined it all in and had a hamburger patty.

OH and a bag of caramel M&Ms that were left-over in the office from Halloween. It’s truly a testament to New Me that there’s ANYTHING left from four months ago. Go Me 🙂

THURSDAY

Two words: THIRTY NINE.

As insignificant as it may seem, I am really proud of myself for my jump-rope progress. I LITERALLY started from zero. And today I hit a new high (after the previous record of 22) of 39 jumps. And that takes it OUT of me. Once I hit a 25-30 count, I can only get like 3-4 in a row before I hit the rope. So some days I try to do it two separate times (clothing permitting) and I think that has helped me get stronger faster.

I still need that sports bra though!

FRIDAY

Travel is not something I ever gave much thought to, really. I think for the last half of my life it’s just been beyond my scope of imagination. I was all filled up with sad and debt and anxiety and emotional crap and raising a child and trying to stay in a home…travel was just not even on my radar.

In a vague way I’ve always wanted to go to Paris, but really that vision encompassed only a few things: the Eiffel Tower (duh), sitting at outdoor cafes eating lovely food and people watching, Paris flea markets, and standing out on a balcony looking over the rooftops at sunset.

At some point in my twenties I wanted to BE French and if I was, my name should be Claude Noelle Tolie. Claude pronounced like Clud. But nothing too specific 🙂

ANYWAY, lately I am filled with the urge to travel. Specifically, to get out of THIS country, and into other ones. With different people, different cultures, foods, scenery, histories, experiences, etc. ALL the “other” things.

I’ve made a decision. And it may be a pipe dream. It may or not happen. But I WANT it to happen. So I am going to ACT as though it’s happening…and as long as doors keep opening, it will happen. If a door is slammed shut then I will re-assess.

Doors open and closed – have I ever shared with you how that is a major life philosophy of mine?

ANYWAY, Katie and I are going to go to Japan in October 2022. I am squealing inside. It’s an expensive trip. It’s a BIG trip. A LONG flight. Roughly 10-ish days: Tokyo, Kyoto, Nikko, and Yokohama.

OH, and it’s Janey Cat’s 16th Birthday.

SATURDAY

Just a quiet Saturday. Deli breakfast. Spent some time straightening up the bedroom. Had a personal victory moment (keep your expectations low here) when I was able to stand back up relatively easily after crawling under the desk to clean. I don’t go down to the floor very often (like, emergency situations only) because I know how frighteningly difficult it can be to get back up. But this was pretty good. I’m going to thank my jump rope for this small victory.

SUNDAY

Left The Building. Walked with a friend at a local arboretum. Not much to see this time of year, but some trees are starting to bud out a bit, so that was exciting.

Spring.

Is.

Coming.

WHAT I’M READING

Starting Your Day on the Internet is Damaging Your Brain: A Cautionary Tale (I added that last bit)

This is the kind of article I rebel against SO HARD. You Are Not The Boss of ME, Science! And yet…I might follow a tip or two.

Who am I kidding? I am following no tips by anyone telling me to not go on TikTok the second my eyes open in the morning. Nope.

WHAT I’M LISTENING TO

@leejunsuhscared of people leaving “curtain call” ##fyp ##foryou ##foryoupage ##kpop ##korean ##kdrama ##kpopfyp ##trending ##viral ##original ##kpopforyou♬ original sound – junsuh

A song called “Curtain Call” by Lee Jun Suh. I came across his TikTok account and fell in love with his pleasing voice and original song and now it’s on Spotify as well.

He was kind enough to share the lyrics with me and a bit about the meaning of the song.

they leave one by one,
meaningless applause/consolation
my prayer every morning:
that this isn’t the end
the memories we made
those countless hours
even if this is the end
let’s me go without dwelling on our past

just kept going without calculating
to realize i’ve been running in circles
i get so sad when they tell me
“just be satisfied with this”
most of them tell me “leave while you’re happy”
i waited more but they clapped and left
but i have so much more to show
so i’ll keep going even if it’s harder so i can do a little more

i’ve shown the character i’ve created for the stage
start acting different whenever the act is on
i’ve been hiding my real image like i’m embarrassed
i guess i can only show power when i’m someone else

In his own words, “A ‘curtain call’ in is when the play, musical, or performance ends and they close the curtain then reopen them with the performers taking one last collective bow while collecting the audience’s applause. I thought about this concept of a curtain call as a musician and a performer myself and thought about how the happiest moment (when you’re collecting the audience’s love and applause) is followed by what seems to be the saddest moment (end of production & applause and audience leaving). I connected this concept of a curtain call into my own life as a performer but more importantly, a person.”

Don’t you love the concept of the artists/performers “collecting” the audience’s love and applause during that final bow? Like how their arms are filled with flower bouquets from fans…it makes the love seem so tangible. And such a nice thing to hold onto even after everyone has left. To try and help appease the sadness of having them go.

i waited more but they clapped and left
but i have so much more to show
so i’ll keep going even if it’s harder so i can do a little more

This makes me think of the end of a relationship…when one person is ready to go but the other is like “no, no, I can do better, I can do more, don’t go,” and yet…they go and you’re just left standing there alone.

Isn’t it interesting how we can interpret almost anything into our own perspective? Or is that just me, ha ha.

I know I’ve been sharing a lot of “non-English” music recently. And I think some people might dismiss something if they can’t understand the words. But for myself, I’m drawn first by the music – the melody, the rhythm, maybe the beat or the singer’s voice or the instrumentals. Those are the things that pull me in; the lyrics are almost secondary. To be honest, there are many English language songs where I have NO CLUE what they’re saying (#wrappeduplikeadouche Manfred Mann’s 1976 “Blinded by the Light” reference – you KNOW you all thought that’s what they were saying), but that doesn’t stop me from liking the song. And if I really like the music, then I just look up an English translation of the lyrics.

I think music is an easy way to stay open to new things. And I think staying open to new things is an integral part of staying young and alive and growing.

That’s my soft lecture of the day. I hope you’ll take a listen.

Since this is already so long, I’ll spare you “what I’ve been watching” this week. You’re welcome.

You’re doing great. Keep going.