Friday. We made it.

I sometimes hate the feeling of always hurrying to be in some future situation – after work, the weekend, vacation, when I get older/married/finish school/get a job/have the money/feel better/retire. I feel like MOST of my life has been spent that way.

“Live in the moment” SOUNDS So Great. And I do long for that MOMENT I really want to live in. I’ve had a handful of LITERAL “moments,” like a minute, an afternoon, a day…but I can’t really pinpoint a specific ERA in which I was just…at peace…and felt happy…that was the culmination of some period of waiting or preparing.

I’m sure I HAD them. Didn’t I??

All I can come up with are MOMENTS.

The day I brought Katie home from the hospital and the sun came out after a rainy morning and my sister had cleaned the house and put fresh flowers in every room and the white curtains were billowing in the breeze at the windows – THAT was a moment.

When I moved to my lovely, gracious apartment in Bushwick, and Katie and I had been up since 6am finishing packing and lugging stuff and finally the movers had left and we collapsed on the sofa in front of the giant windows with, again, the white curtains billowing in the breeze…and just sat quietly and maybe dozed a bit – THAT was a moment.

But I didn’t PLAN for those moments. Or work for them, prepare for them, study for them, save for them, etc. They just HAPPENED.

Is there a lesson in there somewhere??

Ha.

I mean, we have to PLAN for things. Our goals may not come to fruition due to one thing or another, but if we don’t plan and prepare, they will DEFINITELY not happen.

Okay, REIN IT IN, Bettye.

Do the people who are truly “living in the moment” have no plans or dreams of anything else…? Or at least just not to the point where they feel they could be doing something towards it?? Which is not to say they don’t WANT things (and I don’t mean THINGS, like material things, I mean like…a safe, comfortable home, an easy relationship, work they care about, etc), but do they just….go along and if it happens it happens and if it doesn’t it doesn’t??

WHOA.

Actually I knew a person like that. Hmm. I know TWO people like that. The one, I always described his life as him just being seated on the shore…and when the tide comes in and washes over him and he’s cool and clean, he’s happy about that. And when the tide goes out, he sits in the sun and enjoys the warmth and the view, he’s happy about that, too. For him, it was all good. It’s like, it truly didn’t matter what was going on…he was happy. And another friend seems to have never planned ANYTHING. She just goes along, has held part time jobs all her life, switching from one to another for whatever reason…and yet…things always seem to work out for her. She does what she wants and she’s happy.

IS there a lesson? A moral??

Sigh. I dunno. Ha ha. Is the difference that I want Very SPECIFIC Things to happen…and other people are…okay with whatever comes their way? I don’t mean bad things.

Ha. I HAVE been told I’m VERY PARTICULAR. And I agree. And am pretty okay with it. But it might be interesting to walk awhile in the shoes of a person who is as happy with Monday as they are with Friday (figuratively speaking). Just to see how that feels.

Can you tell I took a break from some of my work this week?? I’ve bumped up to a BIG SCARY TEFL assignment and I always back-off a bit when I get to them. Cuz they’re vague and mysterious. And the potential for failure is high. And what do we when potential for failure is high?? ANYTHING ELSE. That’s when I flex my procrastination muscles and WASH THE DISHES READ THE BOOKS STUDY THE KOREAN SWEEP THE PATIO THINK THE THOUGHTS. Everything but THE THING I should really be doing. And you, my friends, are reaping (suffering?) the results of me having the LUXURY of thoughts for the first time in what seems like a VERY long time.

But I’ll stop now. Cuz it actually IS the weekend. I made it. I am home. I have an 88-hour pass and I’m going to make the best of it.

SEE YA NEXT WEEK!

Red Print Top: Anthropologie, 3x. 2018
Grey Oxford Striped Button-down: Old Navy, 3x. 2020
Jeans: Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda, 22 short. 2018
Sneakers: Converse Shoreline slip-ons. 2021