It’s Not All Good

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 4 blogsized

So. I have to talk about The Cancer today. Through most of this time I think I’ve been pretty good at keeping my Game Face on. I am not by nature a perky, positive person. I consider myself more of a realist and prefer to face *all* things, good and bad, and not pretend bad things don’t exist. But I *have* really tried to find the good in the situation…to find some beauty along the way…small joys, blah blah blah.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 2 blogsized

But yesterday I hit a brick wall. With all the rashes and diarrhea and queasiness and infections and sores and exhaustion and other joys that I have mostly kept to myself…the thing that I’m having the hardest time with is…losing my hair. I knew it was going to happen. I knew the particular chemo drugs I’m getting have that as a side effect. But I still hoped I would somehow escape it.

Nope.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 5 blogsized

You know how a little hair always comes out in the shower? That’s normal. But yesterday…it just wouldn’t stop coming out. Big clumps and handfuls. And tears. Then when I tried brushing it out…it wouldn’t stop coming out. My brush was full of hair, my hands were full of hair…if I touched hair, it was coming out. I finally just wrangled it all into a messy bun and called it a day.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 7 blogsized

I don’t know if it’s really noticeable yet because pulling hair back into a bun is sort of like a glorified combover (ha ha) but I’m sure in bright light it’s visible. And is only going to get worse.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 6 blogsized

I’m afraid to take a shower this morning because so much more is going to come out. I’ll just wash my bangs in the sink. And hope for the best.

So I’m seriously stressing out about what I’m going to put on my head. I KNOW there are 12,000,000 options…but I don’t really see anything that looks like ME to me. I don’t feel sick, I don’t want to LOOK sick. I don’t want to look like someone ELSE. I’m not a hat person EVER – not in the winter to keep warm and not in the summer to shade my face…so this concept of having to put something on my head in the morning and leave it on All Day Long – at work, shopping, etc, just feels so awkward and foreign to me and I DON’T LIKE IT. I DON’T WANNA. WHAAAA.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 8 blogsized

There. This is my time I’m allowed to be mad and sad and bitchy and complainy. I’M ALLOWED. I don’t want anyone trying to cheer me up, cuz you CAN’T. No one’s words can change the way I’m feeling. I’m terrified and angry. And I’m just gonna roll around in that for awhile.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 1 blogsized

So, now that I’ve alienated half of you (ha ha), I can proceed with my outfit. I LOVE this dress. It’s by Rachel Roy via Gwynnie Bee. It’s dark dark grey and feels like velvety slinky silk. And it has this cool drapey effect on the front that hides EVERYTHING. It’s light and flowy. It’s EASY. Which is exactly what I needed yesterday.

fashion schlub bettye rainwater plus size babylon south bay theater 7.27.17 3 blogsized

And we found the perfect location to shoot – this abandoned movie theater. Crumbly and littered…and yet even it had a little spot of wild flowers still growing. Even when I only WANT to focus on the ugly, I find some beauty. Damn it! Ha.

When It Rains It Pours, Part I

fashion schlub plus size fashion 6.20.16 2 resized

So, I’ve been wanting a denim/chambray dress forEVER. I’ve been coveting the Rachel Roy light wash tencel denim dress all season, but at $115 it was not for me.

fashion schlub plus size fashion 6.20.16 4 resized

Last week Old Navy dot com was having a sale and their very VERY light wash denim tencel chambray dress was marked down so I finally just ordered that cuz I knew I was never going to spend over $100 on a denim (or any, really) dress. Matter settled.

fashion schlub plus size fashion 6.20.16 5 resized

Til I was at TheCurvyCon this weekend and who had a pop-up shop there? Rachel Roy! And what dress did they have there? The much longed-for denim dress! And was it $115? No, it was marked down to $30!!! I tried on two sizes and quickly plunked down some plastic and grabbed that baby right up.

fashion schlub plus size fashion 6.20.16 1 resized

It wasn’t til I was driving home later that afternoon that I remembered the Old Navy dress. Ooh.

fashion schlub plus size fashion 6.20.16 3 resized

The ON dress arrived today. Now I love them BOTH. They both have good and bad points. They’re both right about the same amount of money. I could send one back…or I could keep them both. Today I’m showing you the RR dress, and tomorrow, the ON. Maybe you can help push me off the fence cuz I’m walking right on down the line with this one.

Pros for the RR dress.

  • It’s a modern sihouette
  • It has pockets (!) though they’re a little awkwardly low. Or maybe it’s just my short arms
  • The fabric is very comfortable

Cons for this dress

  • The v-neck is a little low for comfort…and I didn’t even DO The Sitting Test, when all v-necks go EVEN lower. It’ll be cleavage for days at my desk at work
  • It’s got that too-big armhole thing going on

Til tomorrow…