If You Hate Feet Don’t Open This

aka Worst Blog Post Ever.

My friend Jayne shoe-shamed me. I was lovely-proper-British-accent-shamed into shoe shopping. My idea of hell is having to crochet and go shoe shopping. HELL.

But she had a point…I wear my cheaply-made Payless (I still love you, Payless, for your inexpensive vegan shoe selection, but let’s be real) black flats A. LOT. I’ve only had them for like 2 months and they’re looking dingy and misshapen. I’ve not been summer shoe shopping yet and have been relying on sneakers and the black flats…and in the past week I’ve had criticisms of BOTH of those. Not that I’m Miss Do Whatever Anybody Tells Me To Do, but I *can* accede their point…so I’ve been walking on hot coalsΒ  browsing the shoe sales and shops for the past few days.

I’m all for body positivity and all that. But I can accept that I Have Ugly Feet. Especially this time of year. As soon as it gets the slightest bit warm or humid, my feet swell. A puffy, lumpy edema swell. They’ve been like this since I was pregnant with my daughter. She’s 25. I know the drill. They actually weren’t *that* bad today because it’s been dry and relatively cool the past few days. But still. Lumpy bumpy fat-creased ankles and doughy feet.

And I LOVE shoes. I love pretty shoes and funky shoes and architectural shoes and classic shoes. But I put them on my feet and I make them ugly. It’s a very sad thing.

So, in the interest of JOURNALISM, I decided to share my shoe shopping nightmare with you. Please stop scrolling here if you don’t like feet. Things are going to get ugly.

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HELL.
shoes 2
It’s a challenge to photograph your feet in those little mirrors under the try-on stools.
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Sigh. So pretty. But leather. I don’t do leather. Another challenge.
shoes 1
I was really looking for a replacement for my black flats and a neutral toned shoe that would go with things other than black.
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Can’t I just get these and cover up all the ugly??
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This was the black flat section. They were basically my current shoes just a little nicer and $50 more expensive. I do love a nice d’orsay flat in the summer.
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I lugged an ever-growing selection of shoes around the store…bear in mind I have only shown you the shoes I could actually get on my feet. Here is the final selection, of which I bought two pairs.

So. What do you think?? What shoes did I come home with?

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11 thoughts on “If You Hate Feet Don’t Open This

  1. Oh my gosh, someone who hates shoe shopping almost as much as I do. And, I love cute, pretty shoes – I just can’t wear any of them. Mind you, I’m too old for all those super high heels – and I don’t like most of them anyway. My problem is also feet that are really difficult to fit. I remember going shoe shopping as a child with my mother – it was the most awful torture. I have long, narrow feet – with a heel that is just a sliver. My foot just wallows around in most shoes – thank God for flip flops. Love cute flat shoes – like the ones you picked, can’t keep them on my feet. One of my DIL’s has very wide feet – and as much of a problem finding shoes as I do. Who designs these things anyway??

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      1. The flowery ones were a close second choice. I have a pair of Fit Flops which are so comfortable for walking in. Now where are the photos of you *wearing* them?

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      2. There were flowery ones? Wow, I must have blacked out there for a bit πŸ™‚ There’s a pic on my Instagram from yesterday’s Outfit of the Day in the khaki criss-cross shoes. Today I’m back in lil white sneakers πŸ™‚

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  2. I’m so shoe challenged! I have a foot condition that causes me to have to wear backless shoes so I’m so limited. Love sandals in the summer and stuck with clogs in the winter. I think you bought the thongs and the tan sandal in the lower right corner.

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    1. DING DING DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER! The black flipflops w the flowery thing and the criss-cross khaki platforms (I’m wearing them today!). I’m think I should *maybe* go back for the black in the upper left cuz they’re a little more dressy. Not that I do much that’s dressy. Well, I know they’re there and if I don’t see anything better in awhile I can go back for them.

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  3. I have painful feet — neuralgia, something else the doctor diagnosed which I don’t remember and bunions that I had removed 30 years ago but still make shoes painful. Got so bad I couldn’t barely walk a year ago — not even thongs or flip flops. So now I go to the ortho shoe store and they are the ugliest most expensive shoes ever made, but my feet don’t hurt — which is the nicest feeling ever! But $170 for the ugliest clodhopper shoes ever worn hurts.

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    1. Oh, that sucks 😦 Painful feet are an awful thing. And you work on your feet at the UPS store, that must be so miserable. And it’s not like you can just say “oh I’ll go barefoot,” you have to wear SOMETHING on your feet just to be out in the world. I LOVE being barefoot but most public places frown upon it. At least you found *something* that helps.

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